The Office
Survivor Man

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Survivor Man

We open with the Dunder Mifflin Ladies Auxiliary (plus Oscar) standing around Toby as he talks about the weekend he just spent camping (sorry, Toby, "wilderness retreating") with Ryan and the other Dunder Mifflin branch heads (including one from Buffalo! Represent!). "But Toby is HR, not a branch head," you say? True, but as several talking-head interviews are eager to point out to us, Michael wasn't invited. Also, maybe it's giving Ryan too much credit, but not inviting Michael and instead inviting his arch-nemesis Toby? Diabolical! So Michael keeps hovering around while Toby holds court, making "no more s'mores!" jokes, until he finally tells Toby that nobody cares. He's not wrong, but it's still mean.

After the credits, Michael has not surprisingly got it in his head that he needs to go on a wilderness retreat of his own. He has Jim in his office and asks, "hypothetically" if Jim would be interested. Jim interviews that he always says "absolutely" when Michael talks in hypotheticals, and yet he's always busy when it comes to specific plans. Michael immediately switches gears, then, saying that the whole idea of Toby and a bunch of dudes camping in the woods seems a little "Unbroken Mountain" to him. His new idea is that the right way to go camping is by yourself -- unless Jim's plans change (they won't) -- and get away from all the people who are bugging you. He interviews that he and Jan -- back when they still had satellite -- used to watch a show called Survivorman, about a guy who gets dropped in the middle of nowhere and just tries not to die. Next thing we know, Michael is tasking Dwight with assembling all the things Michael will need for this ill-advised excursion. Dwight is, of course, the most perfect person for this task and also the most terrifying. I feel confident that he will provide Michael with jerky of some kind, but I will never, ever want to know where it came from. As if to illustrate my point, Michael asks Dwight to find him a knife, and Dwight comes back thirty seconds later with what can only be described as a stockpile of knives. He explains that he keeps a variety of deadly weapons hidden around the office, including (but I'm sure not limited to): a pair of sai behind the water cooler, a knife in the filing cabinet, a sword in the overhead ducts, and, most awesomely, a blow-dart shooter in the toilet tank. I now feel very confident that if a Bengal tiger ever got loose inside the office, Dwight would be able to take it down. It's good to know. I can't think of anyone at Bravo who'd be able to do the same.

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