Woods. Michael has "tented [his] pants." Not as gross as you might think. He's simply once again mangled his clothing with the knife and duct-taped them across a couple of logs to create a ramshackle "shelter." From a distance, Dwight spies on his boss through the scope on his rifle. "Nothing to worry about," Dwight assures the camera. "Safety is...[clicks the safety into place]...on!"
Office. Jim's still in Michael's office, and Toby comes by to congratulate him on the "great idea" about the birthdays. Jim seems relieved that someone isn't giving him shit about it, for once, but Toby soon reveals an ulterior motive: he wants to be included in the celebration, since Michael short-shrifted his birthday two months ago by holding it in the parking lot at 4:58 on a Friday. Jim pissily interviews that Toby, while great, "can be a bit much." He imitates Toby's sad-sack request and is all, "It's a cake, Toby. I mean come on." This is so scary, watching Jim morph into this unholy combination of Michael and Ryan. Yikes. Anyway, back in person, Jim appeases Toby, but a passing-by Angela won't stand for it. She freaks out on Jim for changing the plans all "willy-nilly." She already has enough to plan for with all the devil's food and peach cobbler and Fudgy the Whale. Jim, finally fed up, strides out into the bullpen and calls everyone's attention. Pam shoots her hand up and asks, "Conference room?" At first I thought this was Pam trying to stop Jim from making an ass out of himself, but then I realized that this is the exact tone she takes with Michael and I got scared again. Jim asks who else hates the birthday idea, and everyone raises their hand. Jim's like, "Well then we won't do it." There's some business about who will eat the excess cakes (Kevin's game), and then Phyllis raises her hand and says, "Michael...I mean Jim..." Jim freezes and looks like he's just been shot in the ass with one of Dwight's blowdarts. "Yup," Jim interviews, "Phyllis called me 'Michael'." And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact."
Woods. Michael is about to Into The Wild himself and eat some wild mushrooms of indeterminate origin. Dwight sprints out of his hiding place, tackles Michael, and claws the mushrooms out of his mouth, thus simultaneously breaking both his oath to allow Michael to die and his vow to protect Michael's dignity.
Office. Everybody's gathered around Creed's birthday cobbler and singing to him. Michael (bundled up in a Battlestar Galatica sweatshirt that clearly belonged to Dwight) shows up just in time to hit the high harmony. Then Creed starts skipping around the room while everyone claps. ...I don't know.