Jim shakes Abby's hand and pretends to be hurt by her strong grip, which turns into Dwight calling Jim weak. After that, Meredith's kid, Jake, comes over to bobble Dwight's heads and generally be an obnoxious little asshole. We also learn that he calls his mom Meredith. "That's very disrespectful," Dwight says. It's kind of cute, because he's not so much disapproving as he is saddened. But he rallies, smiles, and offers to let the kid call him "Mr. Schrute." Jake thinks that's hilarious. "Mr. Poop?" he "repeats." "Schrute," Dwight corrects pleasantly. Jake leaves with a derisive "Sure, Mr. Poop." Dwight looks over at Jim and Abby, who are quietly giggling. And to make things worse, Angela is looking over at Dwight with a glare of disapproval. Well, really. Who wants to be a in a secret office romance with Mr. Poop?
Sasha visits Phyllis. "Are you Mother Goose?" Sasha asks. Phyllis actually has to think about it. I maintain that the Ghostbusters Doctrine would apply here; if someone asks if you are _______, say yes. That's how I got to be Jeff the purple Wiggle for a day once, and was thus allowed to nap through a kid's birthday party.
Stanley's daughter Melissa chats up Ryan in the break room, asking for his number and e-mail address. Seeing this through the window, a jealous Kelly goes straight to Stanley and tells on...Ryan. Cut to Stanley ripping Ryan a new asshole in the break room. And later, outside, a clearly PTSD Ryan tells us, "That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life." No doubt. Stanley can be quite the sleeping giant.
Dwight is "entertaining" the kids in the conference room, starting with a ditty on his green plastic recorder and following that up with a gruesome German fairy tale from the 1860s that involves little kids getting their thumbs cut off. Standing in the doorway, Michael tells Dwight to cool it with the stories from his "Nazi war criminal grandmother." Sasha asks what a Nazi is, and Dwight launches into his walking-Wikipedia thing until Michael cuts him off and kicks him out. "Bye, Mr. Poop," Jake calls after Dwight. "There goes Mr. Poop," Michael agrees, and asks who likes Dane Cook. Well, at least this time he knows his audience.
At the copier, Angela comes up to Dwight and says something about her disciplinarian father. "I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities," she says pointedly before leaving. Translation: Jake better not leave today without a size-13 Birk-print on his ass.