Later, Pam and Jim are still worried about Michael, while Roy roughhouses with Jake. And later still, Pam tries to talk to Melissa about Melissa's mom. "That woman is not my mother," Melissa says coldly. "That woman is my stepmother." So Pam is 0 for 2.
Jake comes up to Dwight at the copier with a news brief: "You're ugly." Dwight is momentarily flustered, but the look he gets from Angela gives him the strength he needs to spit back, "Well, at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school." Jake runs off calling for Meredith as Angela gives Dwight an approving smile. She's clearly not into men who pick on people their own size.
Toby comes into Michael's office to return an armload of toys that Sasha apparently scored from him, as well as his watch. Noticing that Michael is just staring forlornly out the window like the French Lieutenant's Woman, Toby asks if Michael's okay, and admits that he's only asking because he has to. But then Toby ends up sitting in Michael's guest chair as Michael wonders whether it's too late for him to have kids. Toby suggests Michael start by getting a wife or girlfriend (not Jan), or possibly look into foster parenting. Michael thanks Toby, and asks if Sasha has a godfather. Yikes, forward much? That's like proposing to someone on your ninth date.
Pam finally gets somewhere with a kid. Yes, she struck out with Abby and Melissa, and Sasha is so covered with Michael-cooties by now that Toby's barely going to want her back, but Jake clearly approves of the shredder. I think this may make Jake the second thing that Pam and Roy have in common.
Getting right on that becoming-a-parent thing, Michael has decided to sign up with an online dating service using the handle "Little Kid Lover." Splendid.
As Kevin and Abby are leaving, Abby asks Jim to come over for dinner that night. Jim regretfully says he has plans, which Kevin calls him on. "You never have plans," he says. Jim assures them that he has a date. A date?!? Obligatory non-reaction reaction shot from Pam, whose thoughts are clearly along the lines of !?!! . But before everyone goes, Michael says there's one thing left to do.
In the conference room, to a captive audience of the whole staff and their four kids, he and Dwight sing "Teach Your Children" together. Ever the polymath, Dwight plays guitar and Michael plays tambourine (finally, the lessons pay off). From the open doorway, Jim asks Pam why Michael owns a guitar he can't play. "I think he thought his ukulele skills would transfer," Pam speculates. Jim chuckles and backs away from the door, so that when Pam turns back to Jim to add something to the thought, he's already gone. On the way to his date. HIS DATE!!! WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT PAM!!!!!1!!