Jim unzips a garment bag and takes out a tiny little shoe. Oh, and apparently there's eyeliner, too. Cut to the darkened store, where Jim awkwardly leaps out into the spotlight, dressed in a too-small white guru-suit and starts reading the cue cards Erin is holding, which of course make no sense. At least not until it gets to the part where Ryan was going to bare his soul, at which point we hear Jim confess to crying the entire time he was at Disney World at age ten while we see Ryan getting on a bus. Then Jim runs down a few of the Pyramid's lackluster features before the big finish, which is where he releases the Pyramid so it appears to be levitating, just before he pirouettes clumsily out of the spotlight. On the floating pyramid, Ryan's image appears, saying, "Sabre. It's time to come home." The lights come up, and nobody is more surprised than Jim at the resulting applause. But Nellie doesn't look happy as she gestures to Dwight with a beckoning finger.
Toby's trying to get the class through the "Begging for Mercy" unit, but he's losing control of the room to the point where when Angela suggests that Kelly (who admits to having also been a twelve-year-old bully) attack Toby, she's up for it. Toby is still trying to maintain control while Kelly slaps him up, and when Andy gets up to intervene, Kelly catches her boss in the eye with a stray elbow. Everyone laughs, including Pam, and Andy angrily points out that he got hit by girls because he stood up for others -- first Pam, then Toby. Everyone looks shamed as he tells them to ask themselves, "Where were you when the girls came?" In his office, he says it was a tough day. "But I feel good. I put the office in their place. Took a bunch of painkillers, drank half a bottle of wine, took my pants off, I feel good!" And zoom out...yep, pants are off, all right.
In the back room, Dwight is making his excuses until Nellie interrupts: "Dwight, you're the vice president." Dwight throws himself one of his trademark karate-themed celebrations.
In the tag, Jim's attempts to spin the Grand Opening sign are thoroughly shown up by a guy up the street doing a whole ninja routine with his "Liquidation Sale" sign. Jim's attempts to keep up only result in his smacking himself in the head. Just give up and bring it on down to Omeletteville, Jim.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.