Meredith is presented with her card. She reads everything aloud, as Michael instructs, and everyone's jokes are perfectly fine, if not great. Michael's turns out to be, "Let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." Awkward. Michael spits out a few words, like "rumors" and "because you're gettin' old," but Meredith, not unpleasantly, says that she got it okay. Michael isn't satisfied with the fact that she didn't laugh, so he starts to read off his alternative jokes. All of which are equally stupid, as you can imagine. Everyone joins in the horror. Michael turns on the party-planning committee, blaming the streamers. No, really. Angela, in turn, blames Phyllis for the streamers, which are red, and presumably even more whore-ish in her opinion than green ones would be. If somebody had just gotten actual whores, it would have been a better party, I have to point out. Michael goes for the save with a pep talk about community, but mostly, it turns into a talk about how great he is, and how he gave all this money to "Oscar's...[wave hand dismissively]...nephew's...[wave hand dismissively]...'walkathon.'" Careful, Michael. You don't want to give the impression that you don't care about diseases.
In a TH, Michael gives one of his many speeches about desperately craving significance (connect with other people; matter to the universe), as he explains that he wants people to remember him as someone who gave something back -- like a wing of a hospital, for instance. He goes through a genius pre-enactment of the wonderful moment to come when he outs himself as the "anonymous" donor of this fantasy hospital wing. So he wants to be anonymous for the sheer pleasure of busting himself to unwitting strangers. Awesome. And then, back at the party, he hugs Oscar and tells him not to cash the check until Friday. That anonymous guy is so generous.
In a wonderful little throwaway, Ryan has clearly just told Toby it's his birthday. Toby offers to tell everyone. Ryan tells him not to. But Ryan, you won't get a bird-day card!
Reception. Jim is excitedly telling Pam about his new plan to get Dwight to go on an espionage mission to Stamford, but to first convince him that he has to dye his hair blond. They're laughing and giggling, and for a minute, you can see that he's hunched over her desk holding her hand. If you are a certain sort of person, this is your desktop wallpaper. And you have Photoshopped the word "Eeeeee!" on top of it. In pink. And then he's not holding her hand, but then he is, and just as he is, Roy comes busting in, with his "What the hell is this?" and so forth. Jim responds to the suggestion that he's attempting to "cop a feel" with a complicated mix of (1) fear of being pummeled; (2) embarrassment that people will get the wrong idea; and (3) embarrassment that people will get the actual idea. Jim laughs nervously as he tells Roy about the alliance and how innocent the whole thing is. Of course, when Roy asks Dwight for clarification of this "alliance" talk, Dwight says..."I have absolutely no idea."