Michael sits in Jim's desk, which he tells Dwight used to be his own. Dwight asks who had Michael's office in those days, prompting a look of disgust from Michael, as well as a contemptuous TH about Ed Truck and a shot of an old staff newsletter with a cover photo of Ken "The White Shadow" Howard shaking hands with a mulleted, fanny-packed, much-younger Michael. Seriously, Michael can't be a day over thirty-seven in that picture. Michael says that when he was promoted, he promised himself that he would be the opposite of old, anti-fun Ed.
Kelly is filibustering to Jim about how disappointing her new closets are. Jim looks at us with a silently beseeching look on his face. "Today they had to unveil Kelly 2.0?" he thinks. "Today of all days?"
Meanwhile, Michael tells Dwight that Dwight's desk used to be Todd Packer's when he wasn't on the road. This triggers all manner of Scott-ian reminiscence about his glory days with Packer, like when they went around without pants for a whole day, or the time Packer held a guy's head in the toilet for a minute. I'm surprised that guy wasn't Michael. As he continues his story, he bugs everyone in unfunny ways, like interrupting one of Stanley's customer calls with a Wimpy from Popeye impression and popping Creed hard on the shoulder for no reason. He also tells us that Packer once banged every chick in the office as a joke. "It was hysterical," he giggles.
Kelly is reciting to Jim a list of all the things she likes (she is careful to include "things that are awesome") when Ryan comes and tells Jim that Michael wants to know how to raise Jim's desk chair. After Ryan leaves, "things Kelly likes" suddenly recedes into the back of her tiny little mind, as Ryan just became the entire list. She gushes to Jim about how cute Ryan is, and begs Jim to talk to Ryan for her. Aw, poor Jim, getting caught up in someone else's doomed, dead-end, awkward office no-mance on the same day that circumstances have prevented him from attending to his own doomed, dead-end, awkward office no-mance.
Michael drags Dwight into a "raid" on Accounting. This turns out to consist of walking over there and throwing around all of Kevin's, Oscar's, and Angela's stuff. Except that Michael's so busy trashing the files that he doesn't notice that Angela's stern warning look at Dwight keeps him from doing anything more than dropping one of her pencils on her desk. Michael and Dwight return to reception, gloating about how awesome they are. In a TH, Oscar says that what happened to Michael's carpet was wrong, and he doesn't keep a straight face any better than Ryan did.