Everyone expects Michael to be devastated after learning that his girlfriend Donna is married, but he seems to be taking the end of the relationship surprisingly well. Of course, that's because he hasn't ended the relationship. Everyone in the office guilt-trips him about it big time, and Andy takes it the most personally as the office cuckold. He even goes so far as to engineer (even though using that term here is an insult to engineers) a meeting between Michael and the husband he's wronging. Michael not only survives the encounter, but comes out of it with the invigorating feeling that comes with abandoning all sense of right and wrong. But that only lasts for a while, and he ends up dumping Donna. Is it still doing the right thing if he does it by text message?
In not-at-all-related news, Angela is taking Dwight to arbitration over their childbirth contract. It looks like Dwight might have to pay damages, but Angela settles for five boinks, at a time and place of her choosing.
And Jim and Pam are feeling the effects of another long, sleepless night with Cece, so Darryl takes pity on them and gives them a cozy little spot in the warehouse where they can steal a nap. Unfortunately, that spot turns out to be right above the time and place of Angela's choosing.
Toby's telling everyone in the staff meeting not to throw away the little radon test kits he's going to be leaving all over, mainly addressing Michael because he's the one who keeps throwing them away. Michael VOs that the first time he thought they were something else, "and the third time, I did it out of spite." Back in the meeting, Toby objects to Michael's disruptive farting noises, and Michael makes the valid point that Toby was the one who called radon "silent but deadly." Well, honestly, what did Toby expect? Michael ends up hijacking the meeting to complain about Toby, and it quickly devolves into a discussion of what to do if you've got two bullets and you're in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby. Suffice to say that Dwight's solution is diabolically ingenious. At least in theory, which is something it has in common with Dwight's other diabolical solutions.
Pam and Erin are organizing ice cream for Michael, what with his girlfriend turning up married and all. "When Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt, so we're just trying to get out in front of this," Pam says in a joint talking-head with Erin. She yawns apologetically, explaining that she was up all night with Cece. Erin says it's okay. "Probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though."
Hearing that Michael's on his way up, Pam gives a few last-minute instructions (like keep conversations light, and just make a random sound effect of you get stuck). Everyone quickly shoos Toby out when he enters. Poor Toby. Michael comes in, quietly says good morning, and gets greeted like he's Norm on Cheers. Dwight volunteers, "Nice tie or something," Michael makes a weak joke, and everyone laughs, per Pam's instructions. Pam offers him ice cream, and Michael says it's too much for him, so who's like to share? Long pause, broken by Kevin saying, "Boioioioing!" "Okay, well, that's random," Michael says appreciatively on his way into the office. Mission accomplished!
Dwight's still trying to get out of his childbirth contract with Angela, so they're in the conference room with a mediator, who seems a little confused by the "replicant" clause.
In the kitchen, Andy, Pam, Jim, and Phyllis remark on Michael's surprising cheerfulness, and wonder if it means he's still seeing Donna. Phyllis doesn't think he would. "So we're going to say the most likely scenario is that Michael matured overnight?" Jim asks. Andy points out that it happened in Big. That's a point that Jim has to concede.
Later, in the bullpen, Pam and Jim are both "too tired to do this," by which they mean approach Michael. "Have you any idea of the risks involved?" Jim demands. But as Michael comes out of his office on the way to the bathroom, Pam goes ahead and invites Michael to come over for dinner tonight. "In our home and play with our baby," she adds miserably. "We could order in from Hooters," Jim says. Pam adds, "We could watch a movie and play Rock Band." "Billy Joel Rock Band," Jim amends. Looks like he's accepted the risk. But they've dodged this particular bullet, because Michael cheerfully takes a raincheck and starts to continue on his way. But then Pam snaps at him, "Michael Scott! Are you still seeing Donna?" Michael dithers a moment before coming up with this answer: "She's not invisible, so stop asking silly questions." If he was hoping that would stop everyone in the bullpen from coming over all judgy, he's disappointed. And we actually get to hear him say, "Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives?" In his office, Michael THs that he likes Donna, and the question of whether it's wrong depends on who you ask. "If you ask her husband, or took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong, he shrugs." Meredith tells Michael she'd never do that. "I ask everyone in the room, 'are you in a relationship?'" she THs. Michael makes some lame argument about Scranton being the Paris of Northeastern Pennsylvania, and Kelly forbids Ryan to hang out with Michael any more. Ryan: "Okay." Michael says Donna's fine with it. "How does [her husband] feel about it?" Andy wonders. Michael explains that Donna's husband is a high school baseball coach who gets up and goes to bed so early that he'll never find out. And as an example of people not finding out, he points at Andy. "Okay, now you're just being hurtful," Jim says. Wow, he really is a dad now. Michael makes excuses about other people cheating, like Stanley and Phyllis ("on her diet," he adds with regard to the latter while she looks guiltily into the camera), and points out that sports people are nasty anyway, per Real Sports with Bryant Gumball. [sic] Andy doesn't let him off he hook, so Michael declares a ten-minute moment of silence in memory of Michael Jackson. Surprisingly, Andy doesn't start singing "The Girl Is Mine."