The Office
The Convict

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The Convict

The good thing about Jim not sitting behind Andy anymore is that Andy can't turn around and bug him any more. But he can dial Jim's extension from ten feet away and quietly announce, "I'm so horny." He wants to pick Jim's brain about the chicks in the office. Kelly? Too high-maintenance. Angela? Fun for no one. Pam? Jim turns and gets a blank smile from Pam. "Absolutely you should," Jim whispers into his phone. Anyone who doesn't understand by now what Jim means when he says "absolutely" deserves what they get. Absolutely.

Michael takes Dwight aside, makes him promise to be cool, and tells him about Martin. And then he has to physically prevent Dwight from storming out into the bullpen to make a citizen's arrest. Dwight THs about his concern, making sure to let us know that he's just as color-blind in these matters as Michael is by using the phrase "some kind of halvesie."

Dwight goes to the binder shelf next to Martin's desk and makes a big show of looking for something. It's really just a pretext to stick his ass in Martin's face with a bunch of cash sticking out of his back pocket. Martin looks like he's figured out what's going on.

Andy has a sitdown with Jim to ask what Pam's into. Jim THs that he knows what Pam likes (namely, pranks) and what Pam hates (everything Jim now tells Andy about, as though Pam really digs it). Frisbee-based competitions, hunting, ads for Six Flags with the old guy. "Also, do you speak Pig Latin?"

Michael comes over to Martin's desk for what looks like a casual check-in. But it, of course, turns into a big announcement to the whole bullpen to the effect that despite Martin's trouble with the law, anyone who doesn't completely trust Martin -- like Michael does -- "is an ignorant, dumb person." In fact, he's willing to out-trust a black man for any white man someone trusts. He calls on Pam, who trusts her dad. "Danny Glover," Michael raises. Jim tries Jonas Salk, but since Michael doesn't know who that is, Michael gets to beat Justin Timberlake with Colin Powell. Karen's turn: "Jesus." If Michael had any game at all, he'd say Jesus was black, but instead he comes right back with "Apollo Creed." Stanley performs an eye-roll aria.

In an office TH, Michael describes a hypothetical convict he's thinking of who is not a black man, but a white woman. "Surprised? Well, shame on you," he scolds.

In the break room, Martin is suddenly fairly popular. He's offering to tell everyone what he was in for, but Michael says he doesn't have to. Martin says he made a stupid mistake -- specifically, insider trading. Michael could not be happier to hear it, because now he doesn't have to be secretly terrified of Martin any more.

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The Office




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