Michael finds Dwight in the break room and tells him he wants a private investigator to follow Donna.. Dwight offers himself at a hundred dollars a day plus expenses (Michael agrees to fifty), warning, "You might not like what I find. And you might not like how I find it." He does a hood-slide over the nearest table and rushes out.
Andy tells Stanley that a client just reported their Sabre printer smoking and catching fire. Stanley's unimpressed. So Andy goes and finds Gabe, who is also not terribly alarmed, although he does think a call to HQ is in order. "Yeah, that's what I'll do today!" Darryl, who overheard, plants the idea in Andy's head that this is part of a cover-up. He THs, "Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment that he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad, almost lost my job." But he told himself to wait for an opportunity. Looks like the wait is over.
Dwight's got a plan to figure out if Donna's cheating: "Seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news." What could go wrong?
Jim and Pam remark on how Michael is eating ice cream in the kitchen, but he's so desperate for comfort food that it's a bowl of mayonnaise and black olives. They're horrified to hear that he's got Dwight following Donna, and Pam sits down to talk to him about his self-destructive streak. "You're right, I ruin everything," Michael says, running down the list. "Holly, Carol, Jan..." "Helene," Pam reminds him. You know, her mother. Who Michael totally forgot about. Before Pam gets too upset, I should remind her that he also forgot about the Benihana waitress. Jim agrees with Pam that he needs to call Dwight right now.
At Donna's gym, in his slacks and wifebeater, Dwight turns off his buzzing phone (which of course he was wearing outside his pants). He basically stalks Donna during her workout, making inappropriate comments like, "I don't quit until something tears or pops." Finally he drives her off, and when he tries to follow, something in him tears or pops.
Dwight comes half-squatting back into Michael's office and says Donna's not cheating. He hands over his expense receipts for eight protein bars, and Michael's just glad it's over. Which he should know better than to say before the first commercial break. Yes, here comes Dwight's bad news: "I told her not to, but she's coming over here and she's furious. " Yes, Dwight spilled everything to Donna. But there's more bad news: "By the way, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly." Michael rolls his eyes in horror and tells us in a desperate whisper of atavistic dread, "I'm not paying for that membership."