Back at their desks, Pam tells Jim to stop watching her. "Okay, Crazy," he says, and talks about all the printers he's going to sell. Everyone starts gathering around, and as Andy blathers about his family's bizarre baby-naming history, Jim starts noticing people gathering around and asks them to go back to work. Michael reminds him he's not co-manager any more, and Pam adds that she appreciates the distraction. And since distracting people is Michael's superpower, he calls a meeting at once. Going into the ads, he shows off some of the distraction skills that made him so successful in grade school.
In the conference room, Michael tells the assembled troops that they're in there to create distractions. Andy asks if sleight of hand tricks are allowed, then asks, "Can anyone do those?" Andy, if you can't, who else here would? Stanley and Oscar get up to leave, followed by Angela, while Pam has another contraction. Which ends just as Kelly comes in to compliment her bravery. Michael puts out a call for special skills. Phyllis offers to put her lipstick on Molly-Ringwald-in-Breakfast-Club style and gets shot down. But when Andy offers to do the "Evolution of Dance" dance, Pam tips Michael a thumbs-up. You'd think she'd be over watching her coworkers re-enact YouTubes by now.
Angela meets Dwight down in the warehouse, and finds him banging out a parenting contract on a manual typewriter. He starts dictating it into a recorder, with such provisos as his insistence in being referred to as "Morpheus."
Pam's contractions are six minutes apart. "Another 75 contractions and you are going to be there!" Michael encourages. Kevin tells her to hold out for Ultrafeast. Jim's about to call the doctor, but Michael's on Pam's side, suggesting they do the opposite of everything on the "ten ways to induce labor" list he's printed out. The first item is "stimulate the nipples." Kevin wants to cut holes in Pam's shirt, but Meredith gets up to retrieve the one she has in her car that's already like that. Glad to see someone has that covered, if you'll pardon the expression, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. What's the opposite of easting spicy food? "Stick spicy food up her butt!" Kevin suggests. Jim gets up, wanting to be done with this almost as much as he wants to go the hospital, but Pam tells him to quit distracting her from her distractions. He admits he's frazzled, which is not a state we see him in unless Charles is around, and THs about how everyone thinks he's being crazy when Pam's the crazy one. Then he opens up all the baby books he has, sits on the floor, and reads aloud from almost every one, "Five to seven minutes." Well, I'm glad to see he's not crazy.