Cut to Michael, Dwight, and the 2.9999 Halperts on the elevator OH MY GOD YOU NEVER EVER GET ON AN ELEVATOR WITH A WOMAN IN LABOR ON TV WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? The doors are just about to close when Stanley holds the door to get on. For a minute it looks like this is going to be a whole long thing, but luckily for Pam the next person who wants to get on is Toby, whom Michael has no problem shooing away. "Out, out, out! Idiot."
Dwight is going to escort them to the hospital, but stops to point out where he saw a deer last week. He THs about how he loves escorting people so much he started an escort service. "Got a lot of calls. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends."
In the Halpert-mobile, Pam and Jim yell at Michael to stop texting while driving, even though he's texting about them. Dwight puts a cherry-top on his roof to try to get through the rush-hour traffic, only to find himself getting immediately pulled over by a real cop. As Dwight pulls to the shoulder, jettisoning his medieval weaponry out the window, the officer calls over the squad car's loudspeaker, "Don't make this difficult, Dwight!" Someday that joke will get old, but today is not that day.
Jim and Pam can't agree on whether they should go to the house for her iPod for the birth song. Michael gets on his phone to send Dwight to Casa Halpert to retrieve it. Pam, who clearly has still not started thinking straight, takes the phone to tell Dwight where the iPod and, more importantly, the keys are, but Dwight ignores her because he's getting a ticket written out, and besides he doesn't need a key, anyhow.
When they get to the hospital. Jim tells Michael to park the car. Which Michael does, right behind an ambulance in the bay. A nurse in scrubs tells Michael he can't park there. Hurling his keys across the street, Michael declares. "I just did." Well, I guess he won that one.
Inside the hospital, Jim nervously gives us an update in the hallway before being called in for the pushing. As soon as he's gone, Michael comes charging through, hauling a cumulonimbus cloud of pink balloons. "Family only behind this point," he tells the camera before barging right into the delivery room. We get to hear a bit of the horror that's going down in there, presumably through Michael's body mic, and then Michael comes back out, looking like he's about to boot. Mercifully, it doesn't sound like anybody noticed him. "Not yet, not yet," he tells the arriving coworkers. And then he does a TH in which he delivers what may be the best and most horrifying line of the season: "That kid's gonna have a lot of hair." Oh well, at least he and Pam are even now.