It must be the next day when Andy shows up, disappointed that the kid isn't out yet. He holds up the framed newspaper from yesterday he got the kid, with the banner headline, "Spring has Sprung." Which will now have to be swapped for the one reading "Scranton Strangler Strikes Again." Scranton Strangler? [Why was that not a plotline this season? - Zach]
People wait around outside with growing impatience. Michael gives Phyllis a hard time about wanting to leave, until learning she has an ice cream cake in the car. "Oh my God, go! Go! Go! Are you insane?" Michael knows what's important.
Michael tries to bug the about-to-be-parents through the door for an ETA, and eventually hears what sounds like the big moment. Then we see him lighting a cigar and doing a bad Jimmy Cagney until a nurse tells him to put it out. The cigar, not the Cagney, although both are obnoxious.
Jim comes out to announce the arrival of Cecilia Marie Halpert, 7 pounds, 2 ounces, 18 inches, mother and daughter doing fine. Michael intercepts the hugs meant for Jim. It's a big day for Michael, after all.
Later, Pam's mom arrives in her room with coffee, and observes that the baby has a full diaper. Jim says he's got it, and we see that for the past two months he's been busy practicing on everything from the past two months diapering dolls, footballs, and Angela's cat.
Michael comes in, and he's not too weirded out by the awkwardness of seeing his ex to stare at her boobs until she leaves. Michael wants to hold the baby, and after Pam coaches him on the use of hand sanitizer, Jim eventually hands the tot over, and Michael starts repeating his own name like he wants her to learn it. "That's so weird, she was saying it just before you got here." Jim says. He's kidding, but I'm kind of surprised this baby hasn't given the camera a single knowing or beseeching look yet, given her parentage.
Dwight tells us what he did yesterday, as we see it happening in montage form: he broke into Jim and Pam's house, ransacked the place in search of the iPod, found mold under the kitchen sink instead, slept in their bed with nothing on his ass but some blurry pixels, and is now getting to work the next day with a sledgehammer on the entire counter assembly. The only part of this I don't buy is Dwight missing work for this.
Back at the office, so it's clearly a work day, Michael is reminiscing about old-school Pam and old-school Jim. "She was a receptionist. She was engaged to an animal." Memories of Jim aren't quite so colorful. "The odds of getting them together were insurmounintable [sic]." Long story short, he's taking credit for getting them together, and now he's asking who's single. While some people raise their hands, Kelly says she isn't, and clamps onto one of Ryan's arms while he uses the other to hold up the hand at the end of it. Stanley suggests Michael find someone for himself instead of meddling in their affairs. He shouldn't have said "affairs." Michael asks for another show of hands. "Who wants to live in a world where Stanley has two lovers and you don't have any?" For the first time in The Office history, Stanley's hand goes up. Meredith mentions that she's never getting married. "Like Clooney," she THs, pointing to herself. Michael asks Andy, who reminds him that he's still on the injured list with the torn scrotum and all. Of course the camera seeks out Erin. Andy THs that he is going to ask her out when the stars align, literally. Michael pretends to shoot everyone with love Cupid-style, and mimes a messy exit wound out the other side of Phyllis's head. Cupid-style.