Back in New York, the Dunder Mifflin attorney, Diane, shows up, along with Toby. Michael totally flips at seeing Toby there and nastily asks if he's come to "renew [his] divorce vows." Toby just says that he's Michael's HR rep and he's there to help him. Michael blusters that he won't talk until Toby leaves, but of course nobody takes him seriously. Inside the conference room, Michael is sworn in and asked about the circumstances surrounding Jan's termination. Michael repeats the "pattern of disrespect" line, and Jan smiles at him from across the table. She interviews that there are a lot of things that Michael is well above average at. "Ice skating, for example," she says.
Scranton. Pam lures Kevin into the ping pong terrordome. She's all secretive about it, talking about balancing travel receipts and all, but when Kevin opens the door, all we hear is, "Oh, awesome!"
Deposition. Michael's being asked how long he's known Jan (six years, two months) and whether he was "directly under her the entire time." Michael" "That's what she said." Of course, this is a deposition, so everyone takes that literally and can't quite understand why Jan would have said that if it weren't the case. Michael, confused: "Come again? That's what she said." Just digging himself deeper and deeper. Jan assures her lawyer that Michael was just making a joke, but he has the stenographer read back the testimony anyway, but of course it doesn't sound right if you don't stress the "she" part, so Michael's kind of correct when he says she's butchering it. Court reporters have zero comic timing, you guys.
Scranton. Pam's leaving the ladies room as Kelly is walking in, and neither one wants to move aside for the other, so there's a standoff. Pam finally steps to the side because she's not crazy enough to spend a full day in the doorway to the bathroom, but Kelly probably is. So Kelly's all, "Yeah, that's what I thought." You guys, ghetto fabulous Kelly might be even better than Us Weekly Kelly.
Deposition. Michael continues to be inappropriate, saying that Jan thought her firing had a lot to do with "the twins." Who are the twins? "They hang off m'lady's chest," Michael says proudly. Jan's lawyer sighs and clarifies that Michael means her breasts while both Jan and Diane (and, we assume, all women everywhere) can't even look at him. Talk turns to Michael and Jan's relationship and whether that played a part in her firing, but well-coached Michael brings up the issue of the HR waiver they signed, and he produces said waiver, in a picture frame. Diane produces a photo of Michael and Jan from Jamaica that contradicts Michael's testimony, and he ends up digging himself an even deeper hole when, in his ramblings about the vagaries of relationships, says that he and Jan first kissed two years ago. Diane asks him whether this is true, and he just freezes for a moment, then says, "...Line?" Diane's like, "Come again?" and the mediator says, "He asked for a line? Like in a play?" Well, this has certainly become a farce, so it fits.