Later, Michael attacks with a Carson rip-off (attributed, but no less lame), Carnac the Magnificent. Turban included. If you don't know who that is, Google it. (And you're so cute!)
A: "The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse."
Q: "Name three businesses that have a better healthcare plans than Dunder-Mifflin."
No response from us/the crew, even as Michael makes a valiant attempt to keep from cracking the fuck up.
A: "...Here's the problem. There's no open bar because of Jan and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a two drink minimum."
Q: Is the problem that your inability to be disliked means that having to make any decision whatsoever causes you to lie, equivocate, and delude yourself and everyone around you until the very last second, then blame somebody else?
A: "It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk."
Q: How bad are the Dundies going to get?
In the kitchen, Dwight watches Meredith leave, looks around, then sneaks into the ladies room...only to be chased out by Phyllis in full-on not-so-kindly Eumenides mode. He screams protests as she demands to know what the fuck he thought he was doing in there, peering over the stalls. "You are a pervert!" His only coherent response, amid the squeals: "What were you doing in there?" She pronounces him again a pervert; he protests. It's like the only thing not wrong with him.
In the conference room, Pam's still watching the Dundie footage. Watching herself get the Dundie for "Longest Engagement." Roy laughs, in the video. Michael laughs, in the video. Everybody claps, in the video. Pam does nothing, stirs her drink, glances at Jim, in the video. They share the irritation and the humiliation. "Whoooo! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say!" Roy accepts the award, laughing. Having a great fucking time. In the conference room, she closes her eyes, still ashamed. In the video, Roy laughs. "See you next year!" Michael laughs, in the video.
We pan from the conference room to Jim, at his desk, listening to the video, unseen; he closes his eyes, ashamed for her.
Cut to Jim in Michael's office, where Michael refuses to change the award this year: "It's the best one!" Jim -- to whom, along with Ryan the Temp, Michael will always appeal for credit, legitimacy, masculinity -- protests that everyone will be "expecting it." Michael -- it's not the things he means -- whines that "Every year that Roy and Pam don't get married, it gets funnier!" Jim is not in a position to agree with this statement. On the other hand, nobody is in a position to agree with this statement. Jim looks away. "I think...if you use the same jokes it just...comes across as lazy." Bingo, and Michael buys it, and we're done. I love you, Jim Halpert. It's not the things she sees him do.