The Office
The Fight

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The Fight

At reception, Stanley complains to Pam about having to stay late, and Pam THs that the issue here is that periodically, all the reports Michael has to sign on different timeframes come due on the same day. Kind of like what happens when ladies live together, if you see what I mean. She says that keeping him on task so he'll get it all done is not easy. Pam calls this collision of busywork "the perfect storm." We visit Michael in his office, where he's called Ryan in to assign him a "top-secret mission." (And not, it turns out, just so Ryan can listen to Michael sing "I don't want to work; I just want to bang on this mug all day.") Michael wants Ryan to update everyone's emergency contacts. Pam comes in to drop off the folders for Michael to manage. She tells him he needs to do everything by 7:00. "Or much earlier," she adds. Michael happens to mention Ryan's mission to Pam. She doesn't understand why that's being done today of all days, and Michael explains that if there were a tornado, Pam would feel fairly bad if someone's loved one couldn't be notified because Pam didn't want the emergency contacts updated. She has to admit that this is true. There's no comeback to the notification of the relatives. When she's gone, Michael tells Ryan that it's hard being the boss, because if you're too mean, they don't like you, but if you're "cool," then they take advantage of you. "Catch-22," Ryan says lifelessly. "Catch-22," Michael repeats. Michael asks to start with Ryan's information, including his cell number. Ryan looks concerned.

Later, Jim gives Ryan the name of his contact person, one "Larissa Halpert." JIM'S SECRET WIFE OH MY GOD! Ryan's cell rings, and Michael harasses him in a falsetto voice, which will be happening a lot in this episode. This time, he's "Michael Jackson." And then he's Tito. Either way, you do not want to be Ryan at this point.

Pam reads Jim's palm, telling him that he's in deep trouble. She's getting her information on palm-reading from the internet, so it must be true. "At least I don't have cavities," he says. "Yes, you have very nice teeth," she replies, not looking at him. He smiles. Meanwhile, Kevin gives the name "Stacy," but nothing else, as his emergency contact. Michael harasses Ryan via cell again. This time? He's Mike Tyson.

Jim still wants to talk karate, so he asks Dwight whether, as sempai, he thinks humans and robots can peacefully coexist. Not really worrying about the fact that being sempai doesn't have any overt connection to robots and humans, Dwight says they can't. And then he pauses. "You're mocking me," he finally says. He offers Jim "some advice," which turns out to be, "I am not afraid to make an example out of you." Jim points out that this isn't advice. "What 'advice' sounds like is this," he says. "Never bring your purple belt to work, because someone might steal it." With this, he holds up Dwight's belt. "That is not a toy," Dwight says angrily. Jim makes him say "please" to get it back, and he adds, "And it absolutely is a toy. Arigato." After saying a cursory "arigato" (hey, you have to be civilized; what are you, a farmer?), Dwight insists that the belt is "a message," which tells everyone in the office that he can dominate them. And here, we see Dwight in the dojo, bashing the shit out of a dummy's face with the heel of his hand, so repeatedly and rhythmically that it's a little unsettling. Actually a lot unsettling.

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