The Office
The Fire

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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The Fire

Dwight watches as Ryan leaves Michael's office. Dwight THs that he and Michael have a bond like the Lone Ranger and Tonto. "And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger and Tonto...and Bonto." Indeed, there was not. Although...what do you figure Bonto would have been? They had a cowboy and an Indian, so...a farmer? Farmer Bonto? With a pitchfork? I think I'd watch that. Hi-ho, Bilver!

Abruptly, the fire alarm screeches. Hey, Dwight loves it when there's a disaster! He and Angela jockey to tell everyone not to panic. As everyone else files out calmly, Michael shoves his way through and runs as fast as he can out of the building. That's leadership, people. You can't save the group if nobody knows which direction to flee like a frightened kitty. When some don't promptly leave, Dwight starts screaming, "DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" I think that in this office, the answer is probably "sometimes." Dwight spots smoke in the break room, so he grabs the giant water bottle from the cooler and starts tossing water in the general direction of the smoke. When tossing water doesn't prove effective, he punches through to the fire extinguisher with his bare fist and then very gingerly removes it, trying not to scratch himself or poke his fingers. Safety first! He sees Kelly coming out of the bathroom, so he goes to drag her out, while she screams at him to let her go. As she wriggles away, Dwight hollers after her that she must remove her stockings, lest they melt onto her legs. He drops to the ground and slithers to the door. I don't know how the camera guy got away with being above the smoke line.

Later, Michael explains to the camera that he's quite aware of the "women and children first" theory of disaster exit. As he points out, however, the company is not a "sweatshop" that employs children, and "women are equal," so it turns out that the fact that he body-checked the employees on the way out the door is a sign of his respect for them. In fact, he'd get sued if he let the women leave first. Michael Scott: your liability resource.

Outside in the parking lot, Michael tells Ryan that another rule of business is that you must be prepared to adapt. To, I suppose, a parking lot. Just then, Dwight runs out to take a head count, finding Michael with Ryan just in time to count him as "one." Ryan needs a number, and when Ryan suggests "two," Dwight gives a panicked "NO!" You guys don't think Dwight wants to be "two," do you? Ryan is assigned the number fourteen. Unable to decide between the beating and the joining, Dwight eagerly says that he, Michael, and Ryan should be "the Three Musketeers." Michael says they can be the Three Stooges instead. Ryan looks stricken. I think he'd rather they were the Three Nonaffiliated Near-Strangers. Indeed, Ryan THs that he doesn't want to be "a guy here," with "a thing" like Stanley's puzzles or Angela's cats. Or an overinvested pink-bedecked girlfriend. Hypothetically.

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The Office

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