In Michael's car, Jan freaks out. Michael also freaks out, but in a more subdued way, because he's driving. She quickly careens from rage at David's rudeness to relief that she's done with her job (which she says always got in the way of her happiness) to sobbing with fear over what she's going to do now. Michael tells her not to cry, and she explains that the painkillers she's been on since the surgery have made her moods unpredictable. Ah -- so it was neither Prozac nor booze. I should have guessed. Michael impetuously suggests that Jan come stay with him; he could probably back out of the sale, despite the negative feedback that will probably result. Jan shrugs off the idea at first, but then says that it could work -- she could make their relationship her full-time job, wearing stretch pants and waiting for him to come home at 5:15. Michael stares at the camera in naked terror. I know, dude. Stretch pants?
Scranton. Michael comes creeping back into the office with a self-deprecating smile. In a Terminator voice, Michael announces, "I'll be baaaack. And I am back. For goooooood." To the camera, he explains that he's doing "Kevin Nealon." Heh. He declares that he withdrew his name from consideration for the corporate job. As Dwight looks on in horror, Michael claims that he got there, nailed the interview, and then "the strangest thing happened." He looks over and asks, "Why is my office black?" Dwight mumbles that it's to intimidate his subordinates -- Andy's idea. Michael tells him he shouldn't have taken it: "Bad management. Good thing I'm back." Michael orders, "Ryan! Coffee!" Ryan sternly says, "I don't do that stuff anymore." Michael says, "It's for me, bimbo." Dwight continues staring at Michael in shock as Michael promises, "I am going nowhere." Pam asks whether Karen got the job, but instead of answering, Michael tells Ryan he's still waiting on his coffee. He's really going to be waiting a while. (Spoiler!)
Dwight sadly moves back into his desk. He wanders over to Pam's desk and thanks her for helping him when she was the secret assistant to the regional manager: "You served the office with great dignity." Pam gravely salutes him, which gesture Dwight returns. Aw. I like it when they get along -- even if she's messing with him.
Pam interviews that she doesn't know what the future holds, but that she's optimistic, and that she had fun goofing around with Dwight today. She's trying to tell herself that she and Jim are too similar, and that maybe someday she'll find her own Karen -- but that's, you know, a man. She starts to offer some other kind of self-assuring pap, but has to break off in the middle: "I'm not gay." Well, not in the sexual sense, anyway.