Dwight listens in on the mallard channel, but instead of Jim, he's hearing Kelly talk to Ryan about the hat he's wearing, which I've been trying to ignore up until now. Dwight charges back there and demands it back. Kelly refuses, but when Dwight offers five bucks for it, Ryan demands twenty. They settle on ten, and Kelly smiles at her hero. Who pockets the ten and says, "That reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas." So clearly the hat isn't making him nicer.
Michael comes back to the annex to apologize to Toby for his earlier tone. Toby accepts the apology and invites Michael to have a seat on the shredder. Michael asks Toby to intervene in this dispute, and Toby offers to talk to Pam. Michael thanks Toby with a hug, giving us a conspiratorial look over Toby's shoulder, but Toby is completely fished in. "I always knew that if Michael took the time to know me, we'd become friends," he THs. He's going to kick that football so far this time.
Then he goes over to Pam's desk to try to quietly invite her into the conference room for some conflict resolution, but she loudly refuses. Toby picks up his binder and turns back to his "buddy" Michael to apologize, but Michael's done with him now and back to calling him "jackass." He tells Pam she's as stubborn as her mom. "When you don't want to do something, you just don't do it." Stanley's chuckle in the background is worth a whole season of "That's what she said"s. Michael says Jim was right that he shouldn't have told her, and -- yes, there it is -- Jim's day just got worse. "Frank and Beans," he says weakly. Michael and Pam's argument spills into the kitchen, him offering to stop dating her mom if she wants, and her taking him up on it, and him refusing, saying he thought she wanted him to be happy. "I could give a shit about your happiness!" she yells. "Stop dating my mother!" Of course she could also be saying "fuck" or "tampon" in place of shit it's hard to tell with the FCC. Michael vows to date her even harder. She storms out, barely sparing Jim a "shut it" on her way through the bullpen.
Jim's not even in the mood to keep messing with Dwight when he returns to his office. "Dwight, you brought the mallard back," he whispers into the duck. From way over at his desk, Dwight says he had to, and stops when Jim holds it up so Dwight can see him whisper into it, "Hi, buddy." Busted, Dwight comes in and sits down to apologize. "I was jealous that you got the promotion over me," he admits. Jim tells Dwight he's terrible at it, and "not equipped for espionage." "Oh, I'm equipped," Dwight starts to bluster, but gets shut down in a hurry. Jim agrees to not tell Michael, but Dwight will wash and buff their car. Dwight nobly accepts the punishment.