The Office
The Merger

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The Merger

"The Stamford branch is closing," Jim narrates. We can see that, thanks, with everyone packing up. He points out the construction-paper hats that Andy made, one of which Jim's modeling: they're headbands with tombstone-shaped cutouts on the front reading STAMFORD R.I.P. Dashing. Out in the bullpen, Andy tries to pick Jim's brain about Michael, and Jim says, "You know what, I think you'll just have to meet him." Andy's cool with that, and adds, "Cross me and I will destroy you." Jim takes off for the day, telling Karen he'll see her later. They high-five goodbye, as we all do with our coworkers, if we are professional athletes. Karen watches Jim's ass depart with such admiration that she barely notices Andy rolling past with what looks like Josh's computer.

Toby arrives at the Scranton branch, stopping at reception for a quick chat with Pam. He tells her that he finished the run he was in that weekend. Pam congratulates him. But Dwight, overhearing, mocks Toby for what he thinks isn't such a great accomplishment, claiming to be quite the runner himself. Pam gets her back up on Toby's behalf, and gives Dwight a dangerous look. A poufy-haired Dwight interviews, "I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther." Dwight may be fast, but he isn't too quick.

Outside, it's looking like Pam has challenged Dwight to a race on Toby's behalf. But it's just her and Dwight out there, with Dwight stretching out in his suit while Pam unconvincingly claims she'll time Toby later and compare the times. While Dwight is still stretching, Pam looks at the small electronic device in her hand and says, "Ready, set, go!" Dwight scampers off before he's ready. Now that Pam's alone with the camera, she wonders if she's being mean. "This isn't even a stopwatch, it's a digital thermometer," she confesses. Given the full-length parka she's rocking, I'm going to estimate Dwight's finishing time as 35.7. She says that Dwight can be a pain sometimes, like the time he tried to install meters on the bathroom door. Dwight just happens to dash by at this point, having completed, and Pam tells him he's got three laps to go. And then she wanders back inside the building. So we can see that although Pam can fuck with Dwight without Jim around, she doesn't enjoy it as much. And the world's twelve Pam/Toby shippers die another small death.

After the credits, Dwight is helping Michael set up desks with nametags for the new people coming from Stamford. Michael THs that "My family is doubling its size," and says he needs to focus on his upcoming performance. Because what's a workplace event if not an excuse for Michael to put on a show? Back in the bullpen, Dwight tells Michael to fire someone -- Tony Gardner, specifically -- before noon to consolidate power. He THs that that's what the Japanese used to do with every batch of new prisoners. Except with killing instead of firing. But how did they pick the prisoner? Dwight wistfully wonders if he missed his calling.

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The Office




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