Kelly and Ryan come out to the bullpen to make a big announcement. She waves the ring on her finger and tells everyone... they're divorced. With that, she removes the ring and throws it on the floor, where Meredith of course dives for it. Ryan and Kelly lie that they don't want any drama or side-choosing. Pam, who has either just tuned in or is purposely giving them a chance to demonstrate how full of shit they are, asks what happened. Kelly tells a whole story about how they were in the Poconos and Ryan said he didn't think they should be married any more. Oh, right, they got married last week and didn't tell anyone. Ryan plays the "I'm not getting married until everyone can get married" card, and when Oscar says it's fine with the gays if Ryan marries, it quickly gets ugly, and Ryan and Kelly both ask for a show of hands as to who's on whose side. The office appears evenly divided, with nobody on either side. That seems a little generous to both of them.
Jim is waiting to go out on a sales call with Michael, who is impatiently pressuring Holly in the kitchen about when they're going to start dating again, like it's a foregone conclusion (okay, like it's not, but she has to put on a little bit of a show). She tries to blow him off, making some argument about how she can't keep dating people she works with, but he follows her into the annex to continue haranguing. Jim, meanwhile, is whining to Pam about how miserable Michael is going to be in the car. When she's unsympathetic, he says something about something he's done with one of her "doodles" (which he considers art) as a surprise. That gets her attention, but a pissed-off Michael comes storming out and all but drags Jim away just as Jim is trying to give Pam clues about where to find it. Not that she needed any beyond the first one.
Erin bitches to us about how Holly is ruining Michael's life, despite being not that great. She's got the numbers to support it, too, even if they don't all add up.
In the car on the way back from the sales call (which was successful, not that Michael gives a shit right now), Michael's being as much of a pissy little poopypantsed tittybaby as is imaginable, making some really heroic efforts to draw Jim into an argument. In fact, Michael is so childish that he insists on stopping so he can pee, even though they're only ten minutes from the office. Now, do you hear him, NOW!
While Michael is in the gas station bathroom and Jim's waiting in the car outside, Jim gets a call from Pam's mom Helene saying that everything is fine and the baby is fine, which is the most terrifying way to begin any phone call to a young parent. Apparently Helene was going to take Cece to the doctor to check on her fever and ended up accidentally locking her in the car. After banging on the bathroom door for Michael and getting no response, Jim rushes off, leaving instructions with some dude in a name-tagged coverall to tell the guy in the bathroom to call his office when he comes out. Of course the guy in the coverall is a gas station customer, not an employee, so he drives off seconds after Jim does. By the time Michael comes out, there's nobody there to tell him what's going on. He's utterly befuddled! Times like this, it would be handy to be one of those people who are always being followed around by a documentary crew for increasingly unclear reasons.
Jim calls Pam at the office to explain the situation and how he's driving Cece to the hospital (not forgetting to include the panic-inducing "everything's fine" opening), and adds that Michael's at the gas station. And Michael left his phone and wallet in Jim's car for reasons understood only by Michael (and possibly by one other person, but we're getting ahead of ourselves). Pam promises to put out an APB, which she says stands for "Ask Pam Beesly." There's such a long silence Pam thinks the phone died, but no, that was just the joke.
Michael is talking to the gas station cashier, who doesn't want to let him use his phone, and when he does, Michael complains that his numbers aren't on the guy's speed-dial. The cashier snatches his phone back and tells Michael that his friend ditched him on purpose. Back outside, Michael deals with this double dose of rejection by telling us he's going on "walkabout," and picks a direction to wander off in. He's going to walk about twenty minutes, by the way. Hello? Did the internet just cut out?