"Jim talked too much," Dwight post-mortems in the hallway. Michael tells them not to bicker; they did what they were supposed to and just got beat. But he's in a fury about losing the sale, as he THs once he's safely back in his office. "It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped, and drowned." Wait, did Michael Phelps retire? I'm not exactly a jock hipster.
Back in the office, Michael has assembled the sales staff for a meeting on how to keep Danny from eating their lunch. Stanley's barely participating, and although Michael's first attempt to kick Stanley out fails, he succeeds in evicting him with a digression about the diabetes he assumes Stanley has. Phyllis has an idea for dealing with Danny: "I could try to seduce him." Michael's loudly and vocally not up for that. Dwight gleefully raises a hand, volunteering, "I know how we can learn his tricks."
Dwight leads Jim, Michael, Stanley, and Phyllis into the office park's Batcave, which is actually just a tiny surveillance room with a monitor showing a live feed from four cameras in Dwight's landlord office. Dwight, why you got four cameras in your office? Never mind that; it's part of Dwight's plan, which consists of: "We lure Danny to it and watch him sell." This is too much for Stanley and Phyllis, even though they've lived more of their lives on camera than the entire cast of any given season of Big Brother combined. Michael's in, though, because he thinks this is like that Paul Newman/Robert Redford movie The Stinger. Jim and Dwight straighten him out on the title.
Erin leads Danny into Dwight's office, whose door now bears the legend "Pennsylvania Solartech." "Your two o'clock," Erin tells the "boss" behind the desk, who is none other than Meredith. Jim THs that Meredith was the perfect choice to play the company head: "Her lunch break lined up with our appointment with Danny and...that's it. That's really all we were looking for." Good thing she dressed up today. Of course the three guys who hatched this harebrained plan are watching the live feed from the security room as Danny and Meredith shake hands and she introduces herself as Meredith Van Helsing. "Van Helsing was a respected professor before he was a vampire killer," Dwight explains to Jim. "Okay, but what is he more famous for?" Jim points out. Michael shushes them both, and Meredith takes a sip from a familiar "World's Best Boss" cup. "Hey, that's my mug!" Michael says excitedly. Jim asks Michael, "You know this isn't real TV, right?" Michael pretends he knew that. I'd be a little worried about Meredith drinking out of my mug, but I think we saw last week that train already left the station for Michael.
Andy was apparently so keen to get the band started he couldn't even wait until the end of the day. He, Darryl, and Kevin (on drums, of course) are all set up in the warehouse, and they're already falling into disagreement. This is mainly because Andy's using a falsetto voice to sing in the character of a little girl, and Darryl thinks that's dumb, and Kevin wants to sing it himself. Andy smugs, "Okay, three-way argument between a drummer, a keyboardist, and the frontman-lead singer. Wonder who's gonna win this one?" He counts off again, and I don't know why Darryl's even still there.
Claiming it's pretty warm in "Meredith's" office, Danny decides to take off his jacket, if Meredith doesn't mind. Meredith opposite-of-minds, actually singing out, "Hello!" Even Michael sees what's gong on, and Dwight remarks, "People can't keep their true natures hidden for long and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire." Jim tries to say Danny isn't that good looking, but he's powerfully overruled by the other two. Meredith is remarking on Danny's shoulders when she gets a phone call. "Pull it together, all right? Stop looking at him," says Michael into her ear. Meredith hangs up and gets back on track, telling Danny she understands he's there to sell her paper. He chuckles and says no, he's there to meet her and see if they'd be a "good fit." Michael color-commentates, "He's making her sell to him!"
Andy's playing the track up in the bullpen. They already recorded it? This is the fastest-moving band I've ever heard of. Oscar gives his opinion: "It's pandering, and it makes me think you think I'm stupid." Andy wonders if it could be famous, which, to be fair, is not the question Oscar answered. Pam echoes Darryl's concern, but Andy's still hoping it could be in a car commercial or skated to in the Olympics. Ryan thoughtfully scratches his head and offers, "I don't think they usually...skate to such...bad songs." Creed says he likes it, which is the worst news Andy's heard yet.
Danny is seriously flirting with Meredith, saying they should compare this to a first date that's going really well. Meredith says she's thinking third date and fussing with her blouse buttons, which for her is probably an exquisite level of subtlety. This time when the phone rings, she picks it up and snaps, "Shut up and let me do this!" before hanging up. Next thing the guys know, Meredith is around the desk, offering Danny a drink. "We gotta get someone else in there right now," Jim says. A little late for that.
Dwight and Jim have drafted Oscar to take over, and they brief him as they hustle him down the hall to Dwight's office to act like Meredith's being called away. "And remember, you're not gay," Dwight reminds him.
But then when Oscar walks in, Meredith interrupts him before he can say a word and introduces him to Danny as "Manuel, my cleaning man. He doesn't speak any English." She puts him to work cleaning the window. "Who else we got?" Jim asks from the Batcave.
Up next is Ryan, who shoots down Dwight's suggestion of pretending to be from Stark Industries because it's fake: "I run Google." But the minute he enters the room, where Meredith has her skirt hiked up nearly over Danny's head, she drafts him as another non-English-speaking cleaning man, and puts him to work on "el flooro." From "el window," Oscar shrugs at Ryan helplessly. Danny finally figures out that something's up and tries to politely escape, but Meredith grabs him by his tie and starts talking about their connection like a particularly desperate contestant on The Bachelor. Or I guess just a standardly-desperate one. So Michael goes rushing in to put a stop to everything. "Michael Scott?" Danny says, recognizing him. "I said stop," Michael reminds him.
After the ads, Michael kicks Meredith out of the room ("Get out of here. Go. Forever.") and tells Danny the truth. Danny's pretty blown away, especially the part of the plan where Michael hired a homeless woman to impersonate an executive. "It's the sincerest form of flattery," Michael tries. "Or crazy," Danny suggests, and gets ready to go. Michael totally rolls over on Jim and Dwight, who are still cowering in the Batcave. Danny knocks on the shared wall and wishes them luck as he heads for the door. Because he wants to save this interaction for reasons that aren't yet clear to me, Michael keeps following Danny down the hall, saying they just wanted to copy his tricks. Danny's almost to the door as he says his only trick is being a good salesman and you can't copy that, but Michael blocks the door and says he wants Danny to work for him as his traveling salesman. "Sure, you seem like a fun, professional guy," Danny says. Michael: "So you will?" Danny: "NO!" Danny makes another break for it, but Michael's trying to be all inspirational about how Danny has a chance to make his life better, make it worse, or have it stay the same. Danny actually threatens to hit Michael, then apologizes, like he's the first person who's ever done that. Michael offers him more money than he's making now, and more freedom in his job. "You already know Dunder Mifflin has the best service and the best prices, but you beat us anyway. And imagine how well you would do selling our stuff?" Danny seems to be hearing it. Well, well, well, look who can still sell after all. I suppose it helps that there's not any sign whatsoever that the Sabre merger actually ever happened in this episode.
Upstairs, Michael introduces Danny to everyone, and tells them to say hello. Nobody says that, per se, but Kelly does mutter, "Fuck me." Michael tries to nip tha