Back to the White House, where a fully recovered Scarn and Samuel have just reported that the bomb is hidden in the puck. "Is that where you hid the bomb, Goldenface?" the president says loudly. Enter Goldenface and his minion! In a shocking plot twist, the president is in on the plan to blow up the stadium for the insurance money! Of course Scarn knew it all along. But how is he going to get away from three men who are aiming machine guns at him? In a heart-tapping moment of glacially-paced action, he breaks the portrait of Lincoln over the president's head (Darryl leans forward accommodatingly), and they run out of the
conference room Oval Office just as Goldenface and his minion open fire.
Scarn's walking in the rain, next to a wanted poster of himself, wondering how it all went wrong. Stanley narrates that he hadn't lost his confidence; "he just wasn't using it right now." Michael walks into a bar and tells Billy the Bartender (Andy, doing some over-the-top accent that seems to be from the entire eastern seaboard at the same time) about his problems. Billy's got problems of his own, i.e., the TV behind the bar is showing nothing but static. But he produces a drink bought for Scarn by a whole table of bachelorettes -- Meredith, Phyllis, Angela, and -- Karen? "Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby?" Karen, now in Utica or whatever: "Why are you singling my line out? Like a million years later?" Billy the Bartender tosses a coin to a kid for the jukebox. Scarn tries to beg off, saying he hasn't done "that dance" since his wife died, but Billy insists people need to lean ho to "do the Scarn."
Dance number! No seriously. Scarn leads the bachelorettes, a bunch of warehouse guys, and the kid in doing "the Scarn," which is the lamest thing ever. Step to one side, wave your arm, step to the other side, wave your other arm, "make new friends, tie some yarn, that's how you do the Scarn!" Suddenly a drunk played by Todd Packer hollers, "If doing the Scarn is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on earth!" Don't ask me how Michael got him to say that. Jim can't stop laughing, and Michael stops the movie. Now everyone has to fluff up Michael's ego. "You should enter it in festivals!" Ryan says. "Or carnivals!" Kevin adds. Michael, gratified by the reaction, turns to Holly (who's been pretty stone-faced through the whole thing) to ask what she thinks. She says exactly the wrong thing: "Which part?" Aaaand, screening over. "Some people are really popping onscreen!" Andy protests.