There's only a minute and a half left in the first half of the All-Star game. The ghost of Cherokee Jack appears to Scarn, telling him to take out all his frustrations on the puck. More poorly-suppressed laughter in the screening room, but now it's coming from Michael. Onscreen, Scarn hits the puck so hard it flies clear out of the stadium. Samuel busts in and frees the hostages. The puck flies up into orbit and bounces off a satellite, (which looks like a much more expensive shot than Toby's exploding mannequin head) and the game's back on in the bar! A happy ending for Billy the Bartender! Goldenface sits in a yard counting his money, but the puck drops into his lap and explodes just as he's saying, "Oh, sh--!" Scarn hoists the hockey trophy triumphantly. Cherokee Jack must be so proud!
Back at Scarn Manor, he serves breakfast to himself and to Samuel (the latter in the form of a squirt of oil on the circuit board on Dwight's back). "Oh, yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot," Michael THs, like this is the first time he's ever watched the whole thing. Scarn says he loves being retired, but then he answers a call from the president recruiting him for another mission. After a long moment of deliberation, Scarn says, "Yeah, I'm in." The end! Everyone applauds, and Andy turns around and asks Michael, "Wait, isn't the president evil?" "Oh, yeah!" Michael says happily. "Yes, he is." Dwight thinks Scarn's trying to catch the president. "No, Dwight, he was being stupid," Michael says amiably. Can you believe how mellow he's being about this? Wow, Holly must be amazing in bed.
Now we see the narrator from the back, a gray-haired white dude in a wing chair in front of a fireplace who's still talking in Stanley's voice. He says we must be wondering how he knows so much about Michael Scarn. "Well, because I am Michael Scarn," Michael lip-syncs as the camera circles around to reveal his face. Wink, and cue the "Do the Scarn!" song.
And the tag is the Threat Level Midnight closing sequence, which is '80s-style stills from the movie while Andy raps a terrible rap. Seriously, it's bad enough that I think he and Michael wrote it together.
Should this be the last season of The Office? Find out.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.