Lunchtime in the break room, and Dwight is grossing out a nation by slurping out of a bulk-food can. It's from his survival stash, but expiration dates approach. "It's nice not to have to plan my meals," he talking-heads. His coworkers mock him until he paints a whole scenario about the end of the world, when he refuses to let them into his shelter because they laughed at him. "Kevin will be eaten. Pam will be taken slave. Jim will be made a warlord's jester. Meredith will do okay." He says it might be one month, or two. Jim asks what about three, and Dwight would go along with that. Even four, or eight, or a year. Until finally it's just Dwight, Jim, and several barrels of food still in there. "495 months?" Jim asks. "That's just..." about how long they'll be in there?
Todd Packer's in Michael's office, explaining how his womanizing has become wearisome even to himself. Or, as Packer puts it with uncharacteristic delicacy, he's got "a couple of love-bumps on my ding-dong, so I was like, oh, game over." Michael shows us few old photos of himself and Packer in more mullet-ridden days, and complacently figures that now that Packer "wants to come home," all that's needed is a sign-off from "my boo, Holly." Oh, there's going to be booing, all right.
Michael introduces Holly to Packer in his office, and he pretends to mistake her for Jennifer Aniston. He's not completely without smarm. She leads him into the conference room, but won't let Michael follow. He warns her that Packer's at his funniest if you give him five shots -- and also if you've had five shots. "I already have," she quips, and closes the door. Jim and Dwight wonder why Packer's even there, but Michael plays it off. Inside, Holly has made short work of the meeting, and when they emerge, Michael announces that Packer's now based in the branch. Off the lackluster reaction to this news, Packer says, "It's great to be among friends, but until then, you suckers will do." That would almost be funny if he weren't so obnoxious about it. Kevin and Michael continue to be the only ones happy about this, and Dwight and Jim are so baffled that Holly approved it that Kevin yells at them for not getting it. "I have very little patience for stupidity," he THs.
Erin and Gabe rush in late, Gabe having fallen in the shower. Erin's in the middle of explaining something about the fire department when she notices the shiny new computer on her desk. "The one at Reception sucked," Pam THs. "I don't want to say the other one was old, but its IP number was one. Right?" The Office: mining humor from bad jokes since 2005. Pam gets a hug from Erin and then goes over to beam proudly at Jim. "Can I do something for ya?" he wonders. She says it feels good to help someone, and mentions that he cleaned up their daughter at 4:00 AM. "So you know the feeling," she says. It was nice of him to help Cece like that.