The Office
Turf War

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Andy Scores a Homer

Harry leaves the office to go get some fresh air, grabbing his coat on the way out. The moment he's gone, Dwight suggests to Jim how "dastardly" it would be if the two of them snuck out and got to the client first. After a long moment, Jim runs to Nellie's window and looks out to confirm that Harry is doing just that.

While driving down the street, Jim catches up to Harry's car at a traffic light and with Dwight telling him to slash Harry's tires or something, Jim slows him down by... opening Harry's passenger-side door. Then Dwight tells Jim to "Hit the nozz," like in The Fast and the Furious. After making sure that's what Dwight really, really wants, Jim counts down and activates -- the windshield wipers.

Andy walks into the front office at Prestige, asking to see the CEO. Just like that. But even without an appointment, the receptionist says she can squeeze him in, much to his surprise. In fact, the little bald guy inside sticks his head out the giant door and invites Andy into his office himself. Clearly junk-mail magnates don't get many visitors.

In the break room, Pam is having a schmooze with Nellie and just about to get the goods from her, when Angela comes in acting all chatty and friendly. She explains in a TH, "Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If?" Then she gives an actual laugh. Back in the break room, Angela tells Pam and Nellie she needs girl talk. Overhearing through the window, Gabe's in. "Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum because I am great at girl talk," he THs. Which he demonstrates by chattering at them about his favorite Korean soap opera. Nellie wonders if she needs to have an Asian fetish to enjoy that. "It'll be upsetting if you don't," Gabe chuckles condescendingly. No, this is already upsetting.

Andy is telling the direct mail CEO -- played by Dan Castellaneta not doing Homer Simpson's voice -- that he can save him 25% on paper costs as a "rogue" paper salesman. To show his commitment to service, he hands over not only his personal phone number, but a key to his house and his wi-fi password (eatpraylove, in case you're ever driving through Scranton and need to sign into a network that I'm assuming is called N@rd_d0G).

Dwight and Jim beat Harry to the direct mail HQ and Dwight ties the door handles shut with his belt before diving, loose-trousered, into the elevator. While waiting for the doors to close, Jim gives him a long, mocking look -- long enough for Harry to join them in the elevator. In the thick silence, Dwight reaches over and hits a button for a lower floor, then pushes Jim out to take the stairs when the doors open. While Jim dashes off in search of them, Dwight starts jumping up and down in the elevator, hoping to activate the "seismic fail-safe" to get them stuck between floors. But all that does is make his pants fall down. The doors open on the next floor and he and Harry join Jim in the footrace to the CEO's office, Dwight nearly pantsless. All three of them rush into reception, Dwight somehow in the lead. The CEO, who seems to barely need a door at all, comes out and says he's already decided to go with "Big Red Paper Company." All three of them look confused, but Andy is victoriously punching the air as he drives away. Big day for the Cornell man, don't you know.

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The Office

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