Everyone knows that Holly gave A.J. an ultimatum before the new year, so the only question is whether she'll come back to the office single or engaged. Michael prepares for every eventuality except the most likely one -- and the one that ends up happening -- which is that it's neither. No ring, but she backed down. Michael's spiral is predictable, but more on that in a minute.
With Jim inexplicably out of the office for the day, nobody's around to talk Pam out of her stupid, stupid idea to have everyone post their New Year's resolutions on a big board. Dwight and then Andy resolve to "meet a loose woman," which at least gets them out of the office for a while, and Darryl indulges in a secret, shameful purchase at the bookstore: an e-reader.
The thing with resolutions goes south really quick, but it's accelerated by Michael's anger at people "not following through." Even Holly knows that's really about her, and isn't swayed even when Michael apologizes to her through Creed and Kevin, the same way he attacked her through them. But in the end, she follows through after all -- the episode closes with her and A.J. on a break. And she doesn't seem too broken up about it, either.
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Jim wanders into the office on a weekend, but it's not empty -- Dwight is using the conference room to host a meeting of "Knights of the Night," a group of dorky dudes in black outfits and red knit caps. Which Dwight takes pains to explain in a talking-head is totally different from the Guardian Angels, except maybe not completely. They recently set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. "Mission accomplished. Not by us." Dwight thinks Jim's there to make fun of them, but Jim's just there to look for his BlackBerry and is playing it cool, even when Dwight gets to the part in the previous meeting's minutes about playing flashlight tag. "Just leaving now," Jim says when Pam calls him from home. And leave he does -- he's not in the rest of the episode. Not that you'll notice until about halfway through.
Michael's doing a newsreel-style intro about how it's January 3, 2011, and Holly is engaged to someone else. But he's only talking to the video camera that Erin's running. Outside, Michael THs that it'll be either the best or worst day of his life, what with Holly having given A.J. an ultimatum to propose to her by New Year's, as we learned during the Christmas episode. And if Holly's engaged, he's going to go crazy and start attacking people, whereas if she's single, he'll probably burn down the building out of happiness. Meaning he's going to need some talking down either way, and nobody does that like himself on a video. Or, you know, Pam. Back to him shooting the sad one, telling his future self that killing himself may seem like a good idea but it's not. And then Erin and he both crack up because, you know, "snot." Oh, it's going to be a long night.
Pam has put together a "Resolution Board" to collect and display everyone's New Year's resolutions. How does she not already know what a bad idea this is? Apparently she's met Sue, Vance Refrigeration's office administrator, who's morale-boosting ways have inspired Pam. And lobotomized her as well, because the Pam we know would already be aware what a lit fuse this whole thing is going to be.
Erin is unpacking a bag of supplies into Michael's "happy" and "sad" boxes, including two bottles of scotch for the sad box. Erin THs that she's excited for Michael either way. "If Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he will be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life." Because of how Erin hates Holly. Still funny.