The Office

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We Didn't Start the Fire

Back in the bullpen, Jo is having her goons pass out an "I Didn't Do It" form for everyone to sign. Michael vouches for everybody, so Jo decides to start with him, in the conference room. Before we see how that goes, Jo does one of her TH interviews that always tell us so much about her: "When mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing," she THs, "she'd ask one question: 'What do we do when we find the guilty party?' And if they said, 'Come down on them with that swift hammer of justice,' innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said, 'Officer Bessie, they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah,' well, nine times out of ten, that's the anus they check."

Michael answers Jo's question by suggesting the perp receive a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, "where they keep the Al Qaeda." Jo corrects that to Guantanamo, and Michael goes on to add that the guilty person should suffer and die, almost as if he saw her TH from a minute ago. Obviously Jo's more than satisfied Michael's not the whistleblower.

Nick the IT guy wants to get at Dwight's computer. Dwight lets him, and then pins his head to his desk while holding one of Nick's arm in the air. "What the hell?" Nick grunts helplessly. "Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell," Dwight sneers. "What are you doing to my computer?" Oscar chimes in that the lawyers are searching all the hard drives. "Thanks a lot, Big Brother," he adds. Dwight lets his buddy Big Brother go. Overhearing this, Kevin sprints to his desk. "I already got to yours, Kev," Nick says, and Kevin sprints back, explaining, "Sometimes I run. I'm a runner."

In Michael's office, Oscar, Angela and Phyllis are hanging Andy out to dry. "Like I'm gonna believe one of his spermed lovers," Michael tells Angela. Phyllis backs her up, and Michael looks out to see Andy calmly, if dorkily, flossing at his desk. Can't blow a whistle if you have tooth decay.

Dwight bursts into the conference room, brusquely telling Jo, "I didn't do it." But he has a list of people Jo should fire, which seems to include everyone else in the office, from Michael on down. Jo approvingly comments on how much money Dwight's made this year, and asks, "Are you turning that money into more money?" Dwight gets serious, and quietly asks, "Are you referring to alchemy?" In comes one of the goons, as Jo advises Dwight to buy property.

Michael grills Andy about whether he talked to the press. "I didn't do that," Andy protests. He even swears on the graves of his (still-living) parents, and suggests Michael have a look at Darryl. "He was more bothered about it than me." Well, that's true enough.

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The Office

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