Michael spent the commercials making a list of Jan's pros and cons. The pros you already know about. The cons? "Wears too much makeup. Breasts not anything to write home about. Insecure about body." How can both of those last two be true? Michael continues, "I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested." Everyone seizes on that second-to-last one. "I'm happy sometimes," Michael says, "like when we're scrapbooking." Karen projects that sometimes you have to push through the rough patches. But Pam -- who has broken up with Roy not once but twice -- thinks that Michael and Jan are just wrong for each other. Michael is torn. Phyllis tells him to answer without thinking: what does he want to do? Michael immediately answers that he wants to break up with Jan. He's amazed that he said it, and that it's true. "My mom taught me that," Phyllis says proudly.

Afterward, the group passes the Victoria's Secret, and Michael wants to buy everyone some underwear. He means it as a gesture of gratitude, so I feel kind of bad busting on him for picking a place with poor-quality bras. Oh, and for OFFERING TO BUY HIS FEMALE EMPLOYEES UNDERWEAR. He says that most women are cavemen, but he's different: "A woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked." Who knew Michael was so evolved?

Back at the office, the guys are still hanging in the women's bathroom; Jim is even napping. Suddenly, Creed comes in, scandalized by their presence. "You're in here," Kevin points out. "I pay for that privilege," Creed says, ducking into a stall. Hangout time's over. Afterward, with his headphones on, Creed yelling-heads that the one weird thing about him is that he craps in the women's room: "I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly."

Michael sits near Angela in Victoria's Secret, going down a long, upsettingly specific list of items she can get, on him, while she sits there fuming silently and possibly even having a crisis of faith. Meanwhile, Karen shows Phyllis a lime-green bra and panties set, and Phyllis approves. "Jim's gonna love it," she says with a disturbing amount of confidence. Yes, Pam saw that. She says that, being between boyfriends, she doesn't really need any saucy unmentionables. However, she does need new hand towels, so she shows us the hot-pink bathrobe she plans to cut up in order to make some. Remember how she gave her Dunder Mifflin bathrobe to Toby? I bet Toby would let her cut that one up. While he's wearing it.