The Office
Women's Appreciation

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Women's Appreciation

Back at the food court, Pam is saying that Michael shouldn't do anything that makes him uncomfortable. Michael says that he's just different from Jan; he likes cuddling and spooning, whereas she likes taping their sex, using it to critique Michael's form, and showing it to her therapist. I would wonder how Michael is able to perform at all in such circumstances, but after seeing earlier what he can do with his finger, I have a theory. It's too gross to share, though, so I'll just leave it alone. Pam tells Michael to get out of the relationship. He downplays it as a woman thing. "Normal women don't do stuff like that," Pam insists. "This is bad." Michael looks around at all the concerned faces surrounding him, and suddenly he's crying. "You guys, what am I gonna do about Jan?"

Michael spent the commercials making a list of Jan's pros and cons. The pros you already know about. The cons? "Wears too much makeup. Breasts not anything to write home about. Insecure about body." How can both of those last two be true? Michael continues, "I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested." Everyone seizes on that second-to-last one. "I'm happy sometimes," Michael says, "like when we're scrapbooking." Karen projects that sometimes you have to push through the rough patches. But Pam -- who has broken up with Roy not once but twice -- thinks that Michael and Jan are just wrong for each other. Michael is torn. Phyllis tells him to answer without thinking: what does he want to do? Michael immediately answers that he wants to break up with Jan. He's amazed that he said it, and that it's true. "My mom taught me that," Phyllis says proudly.

Afterward, the group passes the Victoria's Secret, and Michael wants to buy everyone some underwear. He means it as a gesture of gratitude, so I feel kind of bad busting on him for picking a place with poor-quality bras. Oh, and for OFFERING TO BUY HIS FEMALE EMPLOYEES UNDERWEAR. He says that most women are cavemen, but he's different: "A woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked." Who knew Michael was so evolved?

Back at the office, the guys are still hanging in the women's bathroom; Jim is even napping. Suddenly, Creed comes in, scandalized by their presence. "You're in here," Kevin points out. "I pay for that privilege," Creed says, ducking into a stall. Hangout time's over. Afterward, with his headphones on, Creed yelling-heads that the one weird thing about him is that he craps in the women's room: "I've been caught several times, and I have paid dearly."

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