The Osbournes

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Stee: B | 498 USERS: C+
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Fishing With Oz

The crew comes over and tries to get them to start a "jackpot" to see who gets the most fish. You each put in five bucks, explains the dude, but he doesn't know who he's dealing with. "Fifty bucks," says Ozzy. Everyone agrees. "Jaaaackpot," yells some raspy crew guy, who looks as if he's seen the inside of a jail cell or three over the years. Underbite doesn't have enough money, so Jack puts in for him. That's great -- way to make Underbite look like a deadbeat on television. After lots of wrangling about money, they head to the back of the boat for a lesson.

Jail Guy says they have cut squid or live anchovies. He shows Ozzy how to use the pole, saying, "I wish everyone was as smart as you." Jail Guy demonstrates the squid and how you leave a flap hanging (ew), and then the anchovies, saying that you should hook them through the mouth, but try to avoid the brain or you'll kill 'em. Pleasant.

Pelicans follow the boat as the fishing begins. Ozzy takes funny deep breaths, not doing it quite correctly. Ozzy, Doc, and Bitch Boy sit around drinking beer and wondering if fish sleep. Ozzy asks, "Do fish masturbate?" but he has to ask twice because no one listens to him the first time. Doc laughs because he's paid to.

They drop anchor as Ozzy yells, "Man your battle stations!" and pretends to sneeze out some squid. Fishing. Fishing. Doc catches some crazy-looking fish. Jail Guy yells his crazy yell, and Ozzy asks, "Are you married?" He says, "No sir, I'm not," and Ozzy disses, "I wonder why?" Ah, man. That's fucked up. Maybe the dude was married…in prison. More people catch fish, and Ozzy yells, "It's the same fish. It's a con, there's only one fish!" It happens again. Ozzy makes the same joke. "He's on contract to the boat!" Ozzy jokes. Bitch Boy laughs real fucking hard, because he's paid real fucking good to. Ozzy lands a fish and reels madly as Jail Guy starts to yell, but loses the fish. Jack gets a bite. "Jack's on!" yells Jail Guy. Everyone groans as it gets away. "Jack's off," he yells. Ew.

Ozzy fishes, staring intently into the water. Fooling around. Fish. "Well, it only took seventeen years for the father and son to don their gear…" starts a song that MTV has written for the episode. You can guess the rest. Eh. As the song plays, more fishing. Fishing. Fishing. Fishing. Jack puts a fish in his bag. "You got 'sole,' baby!" sings Ozzy. Jail Guy laughs, having heard that only twenty-three times this week.

The Osbournes

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