The Osbournes
Angler Management

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Fishing With Oz

Morning. House. Ozzy comes into Jack's room and does his morning stutters, telling Jack that he has half an hour and that they're leaving at nine. I don't see Brieann in bed with him. But there is another foxy girl: Lola. Ozzy reminds him to bring the incongruous combo of shorts and a jacket.

Kitchen. Ozzy picks a muffin out from under a huge glass case. He jokes about how they're huge muffins -- that they're like a wedding cake. The maid laughs like she's being paid to. Ozzy cuts one in half and tries to cover the muffins back up but they're spilling over and making it impossible. Instead of stacking them, Ozzy just keeps trying to wish them into fitting, once again revealing his kitchen-based problem with spatial relationships. He wonders how to "juggle" the fucking things when the maid sees the problem and comes running over to save Ozzy, the floor, the glass case, the dogs, and everyone else. The maid asks if it's in Long Beach, and Ozzy says he thinks it's at the Marina -- which is a generic term, yes? The maid, because she's being paid to do things like this, says, "Oh, that's a nice one." Hee. Ozzy says that as long as it's not the fucking "Minnow," he's happy. Doc comes in and asks if Ozzy has any sunscreen. He does, and Doc seems overly happy about it. Ozzy then tells him that he needs to wear a baseball cap of Jack's so he doesn't get a "nasty burn." Ozzy is very considerate for a Satan worshipper.

They go into Jack's room and get a couple baseball caps. There's some friend of Jack's already there. It's some wispily-goateed dude with an interesting smile. We'll call him Underbite. I wonder if this friend is included in Jack's future rant about how he looked around and saw that all the people he was hanging out with were thirty-year-old unemployed people living off their parents? (Doc's name is David, we learn, but I don't like it, so Doc he remains.) In the kitchen now, they argue about small towels and whether or not the boat will provide them, as Underbite fishes out a muffin, no problem. Ozzy finally decrees that they need to call Bitch Boy and ask him about the towel situation, and Doc says, "Right, okay, Oz. That's good thinking, Batman." He speaks in the same kowtowing voice everyone does around Ozzy. I wonder if it's a Sharon mandate or something. As Doc talks to Tony on the phone and Jack eats some cold Chinese food, Ozzy does a great thing where he mumbles to himself a checklist of what he needs, ending with "head." "Tony made a boo-boo," Doc says, but Ozzy doesn't care to know about what -- because Bitch Boy makes boo-boos daily -- and instead grabs the towels and starts singing about catching fish.

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The Osbournes

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