Ozzy, red tips in his hair, says, "It's like fucking Doctor Doolittle fucking house in here." Dogs wrestle. Jump. Bark. In a limo, Ozzy lifts a dog's butt to his nose and says, sniffing, "The smell of success." Nasty. The dogs being groomed. I think that was shot in these Mobile Pet Groomers they have here in L.A., which is a van they drive around and make house calls -- washing and combing the pet in the van outside your house. It's a nutty town I live in. Dog montage. Ozzy fucks with a dog. Dog fights. Dog fights. The bulldog pukes. Ozzy picks up a scared dog. The cat. Dogs jump on Sharon's bed. Ozzy picks up another scared dog. A dog statue. The alien-crested doormat: "Welcome All Species." The bulldog licks her puke. (The night I watched this episode, by the way, my cat appropriately enough took it upon herself to get in the mood and puke all over my floor. Thanks a bunch, MTV.)
The floor. Dog shit. Ozzy comes in the room, and the little spaz dog wriggles and runs away. Ozzy opens the back door and tries to get Lola, the bulldog, to go outside. She is busy chewing a glove. Ozzy keeps yelling at the dog, "C'mon, man!" and finally gives up, doddering out and yelling, "Sharon!" (Yelling "Sharon" seems to be his answer to everything, by the way. You should try it some day. See if she shows up and helps you if you yell her name.) Ozzy can't find her and comes back into the shit room, muttering about dogs and shit and the shit they're shitting everywhere. He comes back in looking like he expects the shit to have gotten up and walked out, but it hasn't. (Actually, that would partially be convenient if shit walked but mostly fucking terrifying.)
Ozzy sits on the couch in full mumble mode, camera-talking that it really pisses him off. He says that they paid all this money to have the house renovated, but then they might as well just live in the fucking sewer with the dogs pissing everywhere. A dog pees on the rug. The cameraman does nothing to stop it.
Ozzy sits in the kitchen, doing a drawing. Hee. Sharon putters around, announcing that Kelly just called from the pet shop. Immediately, Ozzy, already surrounded by a cat and circling dogs, yells, "No, no, forget it, no!" As Ozzy eats a Powerbar, Sharon asks if he's interested. He says, "If it's a living thing, no." It's a boy cat, she says. Ozzy begs her to listen to him and says that if she gets a boy cat, it will destroy the house. While he rants we see the cat trying to use the cat box and the retarded little black dog crawling in with the cat and sniffing its ass. Poor cat. "Cat piss is the fucking worst. Please!" He rants on that they have enough animals and "please, baby!" He then asks if Kelly has already bought it. "Na-oooooo!" says Sharon, in a way that you just know she has. She says she's just "nipping out" for a second, which sounds dirty. (Here, we get a shot of Ozzy's drawing. It's a total fucking seventh-grade drawing. It's like a scary clown with three long fingers. Man, I wish I could get a screen-capture of that. The best part is he's working at it like it's the fucking Mona Lisa. Wow, Ozzy is bored.) Sharon kisses him and he begs over and over, "Please don't let her get the cat." Meanwhile, the retarded dog is jumping up and down and yipping. Something's wrong with that dog's brain. Ozzy asks her to promise with all her heart. Sharon tells him to "try" to pick up the phone while she's out. "I'm begging you, Sharon. I'm begging you. No more animals! Please, boo," he yells after her. She says she's not getting an animal.