Now Ozzy looks at Pip sleeping on a bag and complains that you can train a dog to balance four balls on his head, but you can't train it to open a door. Sharon offers that he can't even shit outside. Ozzy says the dog took a shit, and Sharon asks if that was last night. Ozzy is trying to say something and Kelly talks over him and then Ozzy mumbles that he must be boring. Sharon puts on her stupid voice and says that Ozzy is the "bestest husband and father in the world" and they love him. Ozzy pouts, "I feel like I'm invisible." Immediately the whole family tells him to shut up.
Kelly walks down a hall, looking for a friend. Meanwhile, Lola takes a massive shit in a room. Right on the floor. Lord. It's really disgusting. Thanks, MTV. No breakfast for me now.
Downstairs, Ozzy watches the History Channel catatonically, listening about serpents and gods and Israel. Upstairs, Sharon tells Jack to clean up the shit, and Jack says he'll do it when he's done getting ready. Jack starts singing "Who Let The Dogs Out?" and Sharon tells him immediately to shut up. I wish someone had told that to the Baha Men when they first came up with the song. Sharon walks away from him, telling him to clean the shit up now. Jack says she's doing the "Hoochie Mama" and starts wiggling his neck. Jack then goes and tries to clean up the shit but abandons it, saying, "That's tough."
Downstairs. Hey, it's Elijah Wood! Jack introduces Elijah to Ozzy, and Elijah starts to explain that he's Hannah's brother, but Ozzy's already walked away. Hee. They tell him that they're going to go see Billy Corgan's new band. They have to explain to Ozzy who that is. (Oh man, the best episode ever would be if they brought Billy Corgan over to the house and saw what happens. Do it, MTV! Do it!) Finally Ozzy makes the Corgan/Pumpkins connection and makes a face.
The kids. Later. Frodo asks how a dog who looks like that could be named Lola, and Kelly whines that it's a cute name. They report to an eager-to-hear Sharon that the music was "poppy." Kelly thought it sucked, but Sharon tells her that she's just prejudiced. Kelly goes on that it was boring, like elevator music. Suddenly, Sharon starts screaming, having discovered that Lola just pissed on the couch. She yells that she can't take this anymore, as Lola stands on the coffee table licking an US Magazine. Jack laughs, and Elijah says that it doesn't smell that bad. They all start cleaning, including Hannah Wood. Jack says that Lola is a puppy, and they all balk at that. Then Elijah gets into the fun and starts cleaning piss cushions, whistling while he cleans. Hee. Commercials.