The Osbournes
Fists Of Fury

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Jack and the Mean Stalk

Sharon and Ozzy hug the kids. She tells the boys no fucking around. Then she feels the need to amend it, saying that she doesn't want them not to have fun…you should have stopped when you were behind, Sharon.

Airport tarmac. More hugging. Sharon begs Bad Nanny to keep the kids apart. They get on their private plane. Bitch Boy is with them. It almost looks like he's flying the thing. That's scary. He tells them that the other plane was underpowered and this one is better. Ozzy makes an airplane noise. Then he says he's not going to Hawaii. I don't get it. Either he's scared of flying or he's scared of leaving the kids alone. With Bitch Boy at the controls here and Bad Nanny at the controls back there, he should be scared of both. Commercials.

House. Door. Boys With Avids fuck around with the doorknocker and make its eyes open. The door opens. Inside. The kids arrive home. Robert says, "Everyone act sober." Robert's pants are almost off as he calls someone and tells them to get their ass over there. Robert trips out on the fish for a little bit. Jack tells Robert to turn the hot tub on. Wow, Jack is still treating him like an errand boy. Poor Robert. Jack jumps around with some old-ass dude who looks like Kid Rock, and some girl on a cell phone. Jack is clearly blitzed. Minnie cowers under a table. Kelly stares at them all, pissed. Kelly now complains to Bad Nanny and this David character about why does everyone have to come over to their house with their drunk-ass girlfriends? Um, because their house is dope and has absolutely no supervision.

Jack's room. He says he's going into the pool and he doesn't care if it's negative ten degrees.

Pool. Jack dives. People party. "Parents are out of town!" says Jack. Inside, Kelly bitches that she's not spending another night awake because of Jack and his stupid friends. Looks like she's wrong! She says that he treats the house like it's "Club Jack" as more and more cars pull up to the house. Lola barks and chases Robert. More people swim. God, that pool is dope. Kelly says that everyone has to leave. More swimming. Someone makes out in some room somewhere. Bad Nanny is pissed now. She says, "They're all fucking losers. Boring fucking halfwits." It's 3 AM. More cars pull up. Someone pantses Kid Rock. Jack dives again. He's totally going to bust his head open. More swimming. Swimming. A girl swims in panties and bra. Her panties almost fall off. Almost. Bad Nanny watches all this, totally helpless and pissed. David tries to lay down the law without seeming like the bad guy. "You gotta be quiet, bro," he says. "Shut it." Absolutely no one listens to him.

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The Osbournes

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