The Osbournes

Episode Report Card
Stee: F | 446 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
A Flea In Her Ear

Day. House. Bad Nanny sits in the new furniture. A big designer lady says she's disinfected to try to make the dogs not want to sit/pee/poo on the couches. She also says that the colors are "scrumptious" with the tile. The dogs all sit outside at the door, waiting to sit/pee/poo on the couches. That's pretty funny. Ozzy smiles that things are going to fucking change. No, they're not. Sharon yells that this is the way they have chosen to live, and at least for now they won't be smelling like piss or have flea bites. For now.

CUT TO: Ozzy sits with a towel over the couch where someone has pissed. He makes an alarm noise and holds Martin down, asking if he pissed. Ozzy then tries to get out of the couch and can't. Hee. But also: you could shoot the same show at an Old Folks' Home and get the same great comic moments, like Stray Pee and Forgot How To Drink From A Cup and Can't Get Up From The Couch. You could save a lot of money, MTV. Think about it. Ozzy says the couch is like a Venus Flytrap.

Kelly tells Sharon that she's going to tell her something that will make her go, "See! See!" Kelly says how she forgot about the nose ring and saw it out of the corner of her eye and flicked it, thinking it was a bug. Sharon says that it looks like a blackhead. Kelly again says she's getting hoop and a chain. Sharon says she's going to throw up.

Dogs scratching. A dog pulls a string out from the couch. Ozzy sits with a two-liter of Pepsi, yelling, as a dog chews on a stone column.

Next time on...Ozzy works out. Trainer says that tomorrow is a big day. Ozzy says they're running five miles. Wow. I couldn't drive five miles. Running. Around a track. The trainer says that this is a "benchmark" -- Ozzy running five miles on his fifty-fourth birthday. Man. That is pretty incredible. Especially for a guy who can't get out of the couch. Birthday party. Cake. Cheers. Fireworks. More running. Ozzy says you should run because they can't hit a moving target that way. Ozzy throws a leg over the banister in the house to stretch. "I'm stuck," he says.

And that's it. See ya!

The Osbournes

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