The Osbournes
Flea's A Crowd

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A Flea In Her Ear

Ozzy stands in the garden, looking more lucid than we've seen him in decades. A big cheesy grin on his face, he tries to cut German promos for the show. He stumbles over the words, asking some dude how to say the words over and over. He finally gives up and just says it in English. Har. Credits.

The title of this episode is "Flea's A Crowd." Hey, watching the Three's Company MOW a few weeks ago made me wonder why the show was called Three's Company and not Three's A Company. Never figured that one out. As a kid, I didn't question. I just let the comedy wash over me like a lukewarm bath. It's a wonder I grew up on those sort of sitcoms and still have a relatively sophisticated sense of humor. But then again, I do love the occasional "Put it in, Jack. Harder!" joke. Man, that Tripper. (Named as such because he fell a lot!)

Dogs scratch. They scratch. More scratching. One sets another one off like Tourette's patients. There is a tennis ball lying dangerously on the floor. Man, Ozzy is going to fall over that thing and bust a hip. In the kitchen, Ozzy stands talking to some accent-having woman, as a maid cooks or cleans nearby. Accent is saying how she has flea bites from their house. She launches into a story about how she went home and her husband noticed she was scratching a lot and jokingly wondered if she'd gotten a rash from some man -- meanwhile, Ozzy begins what looks to be a long and treacherous journey around the center kitchen block unit. He's like the Magellan of the kitchen, the look of concentration on his face as he shuffles to the refrigerator. Ozzy says his house is a six-million-dollar flea pit. He loves making jokes about much his house cost. I bet it's actually nine million, and he's just trying not to brag.

Scratching. Scratching. Robert and Jack and Sharon are hanging around in Sharon's room, talking about Deliverance. Jack hasn't seen it, so they begin describing the movie for him. I think it's probably a bad idea if Jack ever sees it -- it might give him some ideas for the next time Dill comes to visit. Sharon says it scared her a lot when she saw it. Robert says it feels like a documentary, but it isn't. Jack doesn't react. They cut to a dog. Trying to create comedy from nothing with editing! It's what the show is about now. Fantastic. Sharon now asks a question: If you had to do one, would you White-Water Raft, Go Down The Amazon, or The Australian Outback. They play stupid "scary" music as Jack and Robert think, cutting to dogs and Jack. But then back to the three as they calmly answer. Jack says he'd go down the Amazon, and Sharon says, "No fucking way," citing the bugs as her reason. I guess this whole thing is to tie it in with the "bugs" in their house, but it's a really monumentally pointless scene. Robert mumbles about how it's "crazy-style" in Brazil and they have a plant that if you rub against it, it makes you see fire "like, constantly. Whoa, fire. Everything's like fire. It's crazy." Yeah, I'm thinking Robert isn't so smart. Dogs. Music. Sharon says she's not one with nature, with "creepy crawlies up your ass." She goes on that anything that lays an egg in you, forget.

CUT TO: Dogs scratching. Ah, fleas! See, there was a "point" to the whole thing. Scratching. Scratching. Robert and Jack sit on the couch. Robert sees a "yellow" flea. The Boys With Avids keep making "boing" noises as the fleas jump. Hmm.

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The Osbournes

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