Night. House. Sharon says she loves Kelly, but she's going to come to Philly with her. Kelly tells her mother: "Get your head out of your ass, you fucking evil old woman." If I said that to my mom, the world would end. Literally. Sharon merely laughs. Who has it better? I'm not at all sure. Sharon says she's going to sing with the band, and then dresses up in a hoodie and sunglasses. Kelly says that with Fendi sunglasses and Chanel, Sharon's really not going to fit in. It's a sort of funny line, but totally lost due to bad delivery. Take two, anyone?
Scratching montage. Dogs. Dogs. Dogs. Sharon wonders why a dog is scratching when it was just washed and de-flea-ed. Ozzy says they've got no army to fight the bugs. Cue the military music! Ah, yes. Clever-adjacent.
CUT TO: The dogs all lined up, shivering, getting washed. This is actually a cool L.A. thing: they have vans that drive around to rich houses and wash the dogs inside the vans. Mobile dog groomers! It's a great idea. Even better if you're a fucking rich person. Or save fifty bucks and do it yourself? Never. Lola shakes. Very very cute.
Night. House. Sharon is crying because Kelly is leaving. Ozzy's advice: you shouldn't cry. You should be happy. Hee. Nice. Kelly looks retarded in her white knit hat and black jacket. She shows Sharon a photo in a magazine of her and Burt. Sharon sniffles, and then starts stealing jewelry out of Kelly's box (ew). Kelly finally tells her to stop going through her bags because she's going to find things she doesn't want to see (triple ew). Kelly drives off.
House. Night. A formal dinner with about twelve people. Sharon is talking about how she had 700 pounds of jewelry on, her "designer track suit," and she was covered in flea bites. Ozzy says the dogs can't be on the bed, and they talk about burning the sofa. Ozzy says they'll have a Friday-night sacrifice to the gods. Sharon looks at Ozzy so attentively when he starts to talk from across the table. Very cute. "What the fuck am I talking about?" he then says. Sharon talks about her nurse putting in a shunt right near a flea bite. Jack says something. Ozzy says it's like living in a "leper camp," which the captioners translate as "leopard couch." Good job. Man, I feel sorry for deaf people. They have even less idea what's going on than us hearing folk. Sharon says they're getting rid of all the furniture, and Ozzy says he can feel the viruses from the bugs, and then they play him again saying, "What the fuck am I talking about?" and we cut to commercials.
House. Night. Dogs. Dogs. Sharon asks Accent-Lady if she has flea bites, and she retells the joke she told earlier that Ozzy did not get due to his being on the mission to the fridge. Sharon goes on about how many flea bites she has, and they compare bites like Mel Gibson and Renee Russo in whatever movie that was. Sharon tells Bitch Boy that she's ordered all new furniture, so he should just get rid of everything in the living room (or Living Room Number 7, in that huge house) tomorrow. Sharon leaves, saying it's "fucking torture." Yes, call Amnesty International.