Hotel. The fam sits around. Ozzy gets the door when room service arrives. Kelly sits, bored, on the couch as Ozzy eats. Man, Ozzy is one dude who should not be talking while he's eating. That's all we need. He says that her birthday is coming up, and then asks how many days? She says, "Seven." Then he mumbles a lot, asking eventually what she wants. She says, "I don't know anything I don't mind." That, or they're talking about the upcoming elections.
Back home, on the school bus. Jack flipping us off. Melinda picks him up, lying how much she missed him. They hug and she says, referring to something on her hands, "That's really gross, Jack."
Meanwhile, back in the hotel room, the rest of the fam eats as Sharon relays that Jack is coming home soon. Kelly wiggles around a lot eating, while Sharon goes on that Jack didn't have a good time. Ozzy had no idea Jack was camping in the first place, so they have to inform him. Ozzy immediately launches into a tirade, totally nonsensically, that he told Jack to buy a proper fucking backpack and not that stupid thing he got from the Army surplus store. Such a dad, that Ozzy. Ozzy couldn't be further from what you think as a typical father, but then he has the same preoccupations about the minutiae of equipment, not realizing the true problem is that his son is totally maladjusted and everyone hates him. ["Well, except us." -- Sars] Sharon sets him straight that the camp was "too hippie-ish," and Kelly relates that they make you "feed a tree before you feed yourself." Ozzy asks how the fuck you feed a tree, and if you put a ham sandwich next to it. Hee. Kelly says that's exactly how you do it. "Oh, fuck off," says Ozzy, but talking to the camp and the counselors and even the tree, not to Kelly.
Melinda and Jack in the SUV. Melinda goes on about how sweaty Jack is and then asks if he's in trouble. He says, gleefully, that he's in "so much trouble." They're going to call the parents in. Ooooooh, shit.
New York. Sharon says that Kelly has to call "Robert," and Ozzy immediately thinks of a different Robert (probably some old guitar player of his who's dead), but Sharon says that she means Kelly's Robert, "from the office." (I guess he works for their record company.) Ozzy asks Kelly if that's her boyfriend. "No," she lies, but she's immediately all giggly and high-pitched. Kelly says, "In case you haven't noticed, the kid's been coming over to the house for, like, four years now." Ozzy replies, "Oh, I didn't know." Hee. Exactly like my dad too. "Hi, who is this?" "Dad, that's Derek. He's been my best friend and lived next door since we were three." "Pleasure to meet you, Derek."