Jack calls someone and asks if they want to come to Kelly's birthday party tonight. Then a girl in a Motley Crue t-shirt gives Jack a mohawk.

Jack shows his mohawk to Sharon. "You're out of your fucking mind," she replies.

Kelly walks to her room with Robert. Ooooh, Robert. You loooooove Robert. You want to kiss and hug Robert. She's all smiley as she carries a bag of gifts he's giving her. In her room, she notices that the gifts are all pink because that's her favorite color. Robert stands by wondering if, after four years, after all this, he's going to finally at least get some head, as Kelly opens the gifts. She downplays everything, but you can tell she's ecstatic inside. She tries on a sweater. "Sweet," she proclaims. "Not as sweet as some head would be," Robert thinks.

The party. Night. Horror theme. Wow. That's so creative, you crack party planners, you! A horror party at Ozzy's house! Who would have thunk it? A douchebag actor tells people to enter of their own free will. A contortionist. Punch, with dry ice. A tarot card reader. Lots of kids. Presents. The contortionist freaks Kelly out. Ozzy tells Sharon she's out of her fucking mind.

Ozzy sits alone in the living room, drinking a Coke. Melinda asks how he likes the music. "Crap," he declares. She asks if she should change the music, but he says that it's not his party. Two other parents sit around, and Ozzy bitches to them and then to the cameraman about the music, saying that it's like a four-hour-long record of the same thing. The music stops and Ozzy says, "That's the best part of the record." Hee.

The singing of "Happy Birthday." The cake. Lola tries to get on the pool table.

Kelly goes out with friends, kissing Melinda good night.

Now the Crue ho who gave Jack the mohawk is going to sleep in Jack's room, but on the couch. She says that she drools in her sleep, and he says that he pees in his sleep. He goes on that he wet the bed nine times this summer. "You told me," she says. Wha? Issues -- the kid has some. He tells us, "Waking up in a pool of your own spit…and a bed covered in your own urine. It's fun." Man. Okay, so she's sleeping on the couch. Yeah, whatever. Two seconds after the cameraman leaves, she's giving Jack a different kind of trim.

Ozzy and Sharon go inside after the party, remarking, just like any other parents, how "disgusting" the cigarette butts all over are. Like they're going to have to clean up a single butt. Please.