The Osbournes
For The Record

Episode Report Card
Stee: A | Grade It Now!
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

Ozzy leaves and gets into a van. There's Sharon. Ozzy is tired. Now Ozzy sits somewhere trying to read radio promos and bumpers for different stations. A station guy sits next to him, mouthing along, as Ozzy fumbles and fucks up everything. Hee. The dude gets more and more upset as Ozzy stutters, swearing. He looks just like the new daytime host for the syndicated version of The Weakest Link, who in turn looks just like Steve Kmetko in Sally Jessy glasses.

Now TRL. Carson announces that both Ozzy and P. Diddy are on the show today. Now there's a combo. Ozzy gets out of the photo booth, but then they throw him back in with P. Diddy, saying, "Yeah, them together, that's even cooler!" Hee. Ozzy has no idea who P. Diddy is, but they take photos and Ozzy does his requisite biting poses. But then Ozzy shocks me as they get out of the booth as he says that he's so glad P. Diddy got out of that court case. Everyone laughs, worried that P. Diddy is going to take offense and shoot Ozzy, but he probably couldn't understand what Ozzy said. P. Diddy, totally flummoxed, says, "So glad…about everything…that's going on for you!" Then Ozzy is gone and P. Diddy camera-talks, "I'm a big fan of Ozzy Osbourne. No bullshit."

Green room. A staffer is telling Kelly what's going to happen -- she's going to be on TRL as well. Kelly can't stop smiling, and now she's all giddy pacing around saying she's nervous. She says she's going to trip and fall on her face. Everyone says she shouldn't worry. Kelly then sits in Ozzy's lap as a staffer says, "Um, the F-word…" and Kelly says that she can't say "fuck" and has to behave herself. Ozzy jokes with her, and Kelly says that she learned how to swear from him. "You learned from the best, baby," he says. And then they trade kisses, and she pretends to be grossed out but she loves it. It's sweet.

Ozzy. On the show with Kelly. "Hi, this is Ozzy Osbourne and you're watching TRL." Woooooooo! Kelly looks embarrassed but pleased.

Standing with Sharon backstage, Ozzy goes into high mumble mode, talking about not knowing what planet he's on and he feels like he was shot out of a cannon on Monday and hasn't landed yet. He puts a hand to his forehead as he walks off. Kelly is still all smiley from being on the show.

Hotel. The fam sits around. Ozzy gets the door when room service arrives. Kelly sits, bored, on the couch as Ozzy eats. Man, Ozzy is one dude who should not be talking while he's eating. That's all we need. He says that her birthday is coming up, and then asks how many days? She says, "Seven." Then he mumbles a lot, asking eventually what she wants. She says, "I don't know…anything…I don't mind." That, or they're talking about the upcoming elections.

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The Osbournes




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