The fam. Sharon says that the campers sing by a campfire at night, and Ozzy reacts with horror. Kelly starts to say that even she couldn't take that seriously, but Sharon interrupts her by singing "Kumbaya." (Not the song, just the one word.) Then she asks Kelly what she was saying, and Ozzy interrupts her again with the same one-word version of "Kumbaya." Kelly gives up trying to talk. Hee.
Bad nanny. Jack says that it's like a hippie cult up there.
Sharon tells Ozzy that they stopped at Roy Rogers for food last night. Kelly gets all excited for some reason. Then Sharon asks what the difference was between Roy and Will Rogers. "Who the fuck is Will Rogers?" asks Kelly. "I don't know," says Ozzy. Is there really a difference, when it's all said and done? Commercials.
New segment. "Like Father Like Daughter." Ozzy comes home, holding a dog. He puts the dog down and dodders through the front hall. Sharon follows, saying, "Good morning," to everyone. Melinda lies that she missed them -- that it was lonely around the house without them.
Jack calls someone and asks if they want to come to Kelly's birthday party tonight. Then a girl in a Motley Crue t-shirt gives Jack a mohawk.
Jack shows his mohawk to Sharon. "You're out of your fucking mind," she replies.
Kelly walks to her room with Robert. Ooooh, Robert. You loooooove Robert. You want to kiss and hug Robert. She's all smiley as she carries a bag of gifts he's giving her. In her room, she notices that the gifts are all pink because that's her favorite color. Robert stands by wondering if, after four years, after all this, he's going to finally at least get some head, as Kelly opens the gifts. She downplays everything, but you can tell she's ecstatic inside. She tries on a sweater. "Sweet," she proclaims. "Not as sweet as some head would be," Robert thinks.
The party. Night. Horror theme. Wow. That's so creative, you crack party planners, you! A horror party at Ozzy's house! Who would have thunk it? A douchebag actor tells people to enter of their own free will. A contortionist. Punch, with dry ice. A tarot card reader. Lots of kids. Presents. The contortionist freaks Kelly out. Ozzy tells Sharon she's out of her fucking mind.
Ozzy sits alone in the living room, drinking a Coke. Melinda asks how he likes the music. "Crap," he declares. She asks if she should change the music, but he says that it's not his party. Two other parents sit around, and Ozzy bitches to them and then to the cameraman about the music, saying that it's like a four-hour-long record of the same thing. The music stops and Ozzy says, "That's the best part of the record." Hee.