Hotel. Kelly plays with salad tongs; then she and Sharon start wrestling. Kelly yells, "Ow, my boob!" Sharon yells, "I'm an invalid!" Kelly honks Sharon's nose and gets on top of her and Sharon says she's like Mike Tyson, biting her. Sharon can smell Kelly's breath, and then they both ask if the other peed on them. Kelly then says, "Mom, your finger's in my asshole." That may indeed be the dirtiest sentence ever spoken on non-pay television. I defy you to tell me of a dirtier one. Kelly finally drags a cackling Sharon out of the room. "Where's my husband?" yells Sharon.
There's her husband. It's Ozzy, calling the hotel room. The sound guy fucks up and gets the boom mic in the shot. Fired! Ozzy says he misses them, and Sharon announces that Kelly and her were wrestling earlier. "For what?" asks Ozzy. He also asks, "Licking you?" Then Ozzy says something I can't understand, and Sharon suggests Ozzy call Robert. He says he tried, but it goes straight to "the answering service." They hang up, and he tries to call Robert. CUT TO: Robert in the pool room, dancing again to some crap song. Ha. Another manufactured moment, but funny as shit. Ozzy hangs up when the machine answers.
Kitchen. They clear out the "magic" drawer -- a drawer full of candy. Ozzy explains that American chocolate has too much sugar, that it's junk chocolate. They've emptied about five pounds of American chocolate into a bag because Ozzy wants to get "decent" chocolate for when Sharon returns. Bitch Boy says, "We think this is crap," about the American candy. Then go back to England if you don't like our chocolate, bastard! They're going to the English shop in Santa Monica -- which really is a cool store. I'd love to see the look on the face of the homeless guy when they hand him a five-pound bag of candy. Both happy and very confused, I'm sure. By the way, with all that candy in the house always: no wonder the kids are fucking fat. My God.
Candy store. "The Candyman" plays as Ozzy and Bitch Boy load the fuck up on candy. Bitch Boy wheels a hand truck full of shit out as Ozzy pays. It's over six hundred dollars! Unreal.