Now Jack cleans the black residue off the mantle, wondering why he's always the one who has to do it.
"Goodnight Sheep Shaggers, wherever you may be," says Ozzy, apropos of what, I don't know.
Ozzy is ready to leave for tour again. He tries to get their new pet bird to swear. Bitch Boy watches, laughing, as Ozzy tries to feed the bird. But the bird just keeps freaking out, opening its mouth but not taking the food. Ozzy yells that it's having a "seizure." He eventually puts food in his mouth and sticks the bird's head in his mouth. Hee. PETA is already dialing the phone.
Ozzy kisses Sharon and Jack goodbye. "No looking at any women," says Sharon.
Now Ozzy performs, telling the audience that Sharon is doing great. He sings "Mama, I'm Coming Home."
Ozzy tells us that life has a way of kicking you in the nuts. Ozzy then tells us a story about how he was buying food recently, and the next minute he was picking himself off the bathroom floor. "I cannot drink," he says, as if just realizing it for the first time, and not the two-hundredth.
He continues singing. Kelly is in the crowd.
Ozzy camera-talks that the week before he was going on the tour he learned his wife had cancer, and every night on stage his heart broke. He continues that when you have a broken heart because someone you love is sick, you can't pretend not to have a broken heart. Poor guy.
The song continues.
We see Ozzy on the phone. He leaves a sweet message for Sharon about how many ups and downs they've had in half a year. Then he hangs up and says, "We're going to kick that fucking cancer's ass."
The song continues. Fireworks. "God bless you all!" he tells the crowd. He tells us that life sucks and then you die. Sharon tells us that she's not ready to die yet. "And definitely not with a wig on."
Next week Ozzy asks a firebrigademan if he can light a fire on the beach. Then at night he lights a fire, but the water puts it out. "No, no, no, you fucking asshole ocean." Then Ozzy moons the fire.
And that's it! See you next week. Hopefully it won't be so sad. Maybe they'll throw food at the neighbors again, or Lola will poop on something. Later.