Ozzy talks on the phone in his hotel room to "Colin." He says that life has a way of kicking you in the balls. He then starts getting all serious, saying that his plan was always to die before Sharon, but now it's not working. What? Shut up, Ozzy. He goes on that Sharon is the best lover he's ever had, the best friend he's ever had, the worst friend he's ever had. He goes on.
Now One Robert At A Time says that if it's any consolation, Ozzy will probably die before Sharon. I think maybe he was making a joke, but you know how some people just don't have a single funny bone in their body, despite the occasional sad effort? Yes, exactly like Kevin Nealon. Well, One Robert At A Time is just like that. Now Ozzy pulls out a prayer that his mom gave him on her deathbed, which he carries around. Man. How fucking sad. But then One Robert At A Time lightens the moment by asking, sincerely, "Do you want me to read that prayer out loud?" "No," answers Ozzy. Hee.
Sharon tells us that it's not One Robert At A Time's fault, that 12-step shit just doesn't work for Ozzy; he's never made it past Step 3. ("Just listen to me!" Isn't that Step 3?) Now we see Ozzy in his dressing room, surrounded by some guy (One Robert At A Time?) and a girl. The girl talks about how she stopped drinking when she found Jesus. Ozzy immediately gets up and spits something out, puttering around at the Craft Services table so as not to have to listen to Jesus girl anymore. He voice-overs about how he sucks at "meetings," comparing them to a gathering of one-legged men. The woman talks on and Ozzy gets up again. Sharon talks about how Ozzy doesn't want to go into a room of strangers and talk about himself. Now Ozzy is back down again and the woman Jesuses on, and Ozzy gets up and leaves the room. Hee.
Sharon tells us that she doesn't know how Ozzy is going to make it through the tour.
In his tour bus, Ozzy talks to Sharon on the phone. He says he doesn't like being sober. "No booze. No drugs. No wife. I'm having a nervous breakdown or something. I've had enough." He goes on that he wants to come home and that he always tries to get sober under the worst possible conditions. He asks how many shows he has left, and then switches, telling Sharon not to worry about him and that he'll be fine. Oh, man. I feel sorry for the guy. I think he's a lot weaker and a lot stronger than we think he is. Sharon tells us that Ozzy was saying, "You can't leave me," and she told him that she's not going anywhere. Ozzy hangs up the phone and throws it to Bitch Boy, saying that Sharon is "great." But Ozzy then immediately heads into the bathroom, upset.
Concert montage. OzzFest. List of tour dates. "Rock and Roll!" screams Ozzy. (You know when he sees a camera at age 80, he'll still yell that. It's auto-pilot.) Fans. Fans. Fans with scary drawings of Ozzy. Mooning the camera. Fat guy. One Robert At A Time. Ozzy then tells us that this is the last OzzFest, that he's retiring and going home. Uh, you better clear that with Sharon first. Commercials.