The Osbournes
My Big Fat Jewish Wedding

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
I F***ing Do

Reception. Ozzy drinks. Drinks. Some shrill woman says, "Oh, here we go! I'm glad I said hello now." The Village People (the real group, wow) play. Jack kisses people. Kelly kisses people. Ozzy sees Marilyn Manson and drunkenly greets him, screaming. Then Ozzy kisses him four times. "No tongue!" says Marilyn. "Sharon!" he yells, for help. Hee. Ozzy kisses a band mate. Jack tells the ladies not to take advantage of him. Justin Timberlake is in the house. Why is he there? Jack parties with girls, doth protesting too much -- saying over and over that he's surrounded by ladies. "I love the ladies!" says Jack.

Now some girls do a burlesque show as Ozzy and Marilyn and Sharon watch. Ozzy slaps a stripper's ass. She wonders if she's getting paid extra for that. An older woman bartender looks on, disapproving. Ozzy and Sharon laugh. Ozzy leans forward to reach the girl again, and falls off his chair! Hee.

Sharon greets Justin. "Oh my God, you're so fucking handsome, I can't stand it," she says. She rubs his chest and says, "Please, marry my daughter." Justin laughs, nervous, but ready to do it if that what the record company wants.

Cut to: Bert. Fucking scary-looking guy. Looks like Jack Black, but even weirder. Kelly and Sharon stand on a table dancing to "San Francisco." The countdown to the New Year happens, and everyone kisses. Jack's douchebag friends are wearing those trucker hats, which really just looks fucking stupid at a wedding. Seriously. Idiots. In a long shot, we see that there are gambling tables and food. It looks like a very fun party.

Sharon brings some weird blonde woman into a back room, where Ozzy is passed out sleeping on a couch. She takes photos and jokes that this is the photo of the night. Twice, this has happened to her. "I think I'm going to get schtupped, and he's out like a light."

They read off the raffle. Some girl wins the fifteen-thousand-dollar necklace and earring set. She then sits with her friends and talks to the camera, thanking the family. She's obviously a crasher. "2003, we love you. Bye! Woo!" Woo, indeed.

Next season, everyone! Until then, I'll be recapping Sorority Life. (Yes, they hate me here.) Bye.

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The Osbournes




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