The Osbournes

Episode Report Card
Stee: A | 283 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Dill Hole

Outside. He shows us a melted chicken timer and says we can't tell Sharon because then she'll be scared and know how long it was on the stove. Huh? He tells us about his plight, running around at 5 AM trying to open doors and put the fans on to get rid of the smell.

Now inside, Sharon discovers the melted plastic chicken all over the stove and reads a Post-It, "Sharon! I burnt the griddle. I'm so sorry. Dill." She says, "Oh, for fuck's sake." Commercials.

Sharon tries to get rid of the plastic on the griddle, pouring Cascade on it. Jason thinks she's going to need an "acid-based compound." Jason is an acid-based compound. Suddenly, there are other friends around and Kelly tells Sharon that Jason was really upset about it, and Sharon actually, I don't think facetiously, says, "Aw. He doesn't have to be." She asks where he is, and Kelly thinks he's outside.

We see Jason sitting down outside, having a smoke.

Inside, a friend suggests heating a metal spatula and scraping. They do; it doesn't work. Jason wanders in and asks if it's working. He babbles something about setting the house on fire and then goes and sits down and reads the LA Weekly as Spatula Boy just stares at him. S.B. keeps working as Jason shows the cover of Hello! magazine to Kelly and then goes to play pool. Co-dependent Jack shows up, standing around the griddle as well. Finally Jack gets some balls and asks, "Why are we cleaning this? Why isn't Dill?" Spatula Boy answers that Jason would just make it worse, like he's Corky or something. Now Jason plays pinball. Hee. (Man, I fucking hate people like Jason Dill, by the way. Lazy, flaky people who ride on goofy charm. Except for Snoop. I forgive it in him.)

Sharon stands in the kitchen also half-ass washing dishes, asking about Jack getting a duvet for Jason. Jack says that Jason didn't want a blanket. Sharon tip-toes around asking when Jason's leaving and Jack offers "three or four days." He goes on, "Whatever. Jason's no problem." Love. He's all in it.

Ozzy then camera-talks that if Jack had introduced Jason and said he was going to be staying for a few days, then it wouldn't have been a problem. But instead Jason goes wandering around the house scratching his head -- we see many shots of him doing this -- and Ozzy didn't "meet" him until he went into Jack's room to borrow a razor blade and there was something moving on the couch. He asked what the fuck is that and Jack told him, "It's Jason, man." Ozzy exploded, "Jason who? Who the fuck is Jason?!"

The Osbournes

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