The Osbournes
No Vagrancy

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Dill Hole

House. Melinda informs Sharon that Kelly and Jack are out with their friend and Sharon says that Jack already called and yelled about the dog. Ozzy takes the opportunity to pipe up and finally ask, "What's this kid living in my house?" Sharon doesn't know what "kid" he's talking about.

We see the kid, standing with Jack now in the kitchen. Jack asks if he's drunk. "Not yet," says Jason. Kelly is on the phone, "You having fun?" she asks. "I mean, is it worth me coming over?" Jason drunkenly tries to keep Kelly from leaving; she's going to be back in half an hour. "Why, why, why, why, why you going over there?" he asks, grabbing her. Jack watches, conflicted. They briefly discuss why Kelly has to go over as her friend can't drive -- Jack guesses that she's drunk, high, or just had sex -- and then brother and sister get into a fight about some ketchup or something Kelly rubbed into Jack's pants. Kelly tells Jack that he has serious anger issues, and then complains that her jacket was clean while Jack's pants were dirty. Suddenly, Jason grabs Kelly and she screams that he's caught her collarbone. Jason is babbling about being the voice of reason, and Kelly is shrieking and then...uh-oh, here comes Sharon. "What the fuck is the time?" asks Sharon. It's 1:15 AM. She tells them to put a fucking sock in it, and then imitates Kelly whining, "Sorry, Mom." Then, the dogs start barking. Kelly runs, smiling, "Dad's awake."

Here comes Ozzy in his bathrobe. Hee. Ozzy mumbles to Sharon. Sharon bitches that the kids, who are hiding in the other room, woke her up. She adds, for no reason, that Aimee is home. Ozzy says that it has to stop.

Up in Jack's room, Kelly bitches that the folks said, when they moved into the new house, that they could have tons of friends over whenever. Jack says that Dill is allowed over because he's his roommate. (Aw, so sad, Jack's love all open and gooey.) Jason blathers, "Your mom respects my opinion, though." Hee.

There's Aimee for a second...and then she's gone. Sharon bitches that she's not going to pick up warm turds. Ew. Ozzy, eating a chicken bone, says that the reason Lola chews everything is that she doesn't get enough attention. (Oh, they're saying "he," so I guess it's not Lola.) Sharon complains about her rugs getting soiled, and Ozzy turns to the camera and tells us that you don't get a pet for five minutes, you get it for life. You go, Ozzy. Speak the truth, funny man. Sharon says the dog shits there because there is a mirror and he can watch himself shit. Hee.

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The Osbournes

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