The Osbournes

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | 459 USERS: C+
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Jack Off

And Ozzy's still loving his motorcycle. He offers to take the chopper team to the studio. They try to back out of the tour, but Ozzy always gets his way.

Ozzy has added another attraction to the tour: the studio. He shows chicks the chopper. It soon becomes apparent that Ozzy doesn't know how to turn on his bike, nor does he understand a word the accented chick is saying to him. Ozzy wanders around the bike, wondering how to turn it on.

Sharon flirts with D.H. Lawrence.

Oh, shit! It's X!

Sharon's stalling with D.W. Griffin.

X is getting closer!

D.B. Sweeney tells Sharon that funniness, talent, and smarts don't necessarily run in the family. She knows, D. Have you met Jack?

DMX just walks out on stage, "unannounced," and the audience screams. You can tell it's totally random and unpredictable by the spontaneous use of the fog machine behind them. That only happens when people are surprised. Then for no reason at all everything goes into slow motion -- Sharon and D.C. Talk are clapping, the audience is on their feet, DMX is grumpy, and Sharon triumphantly lowers her head like she's gonna fucking make it in this crazy world after all. I think DMX might have come onstage with Ali G.

Ozzy can't figure out how to start his bike. Everybody else is under strict orders not to help him turn the thing on. Well, it's back to puttering for Ozzy if he can't figure this out. He says they never gave him a key for this thing. Ozzy takes another person on the Studio Tour.

Todd the Dildo is smoking a cigarette, still holding a cup to his dick. He doesn't have to do it for the mold anymore -- now he just likes the way it feels. Jack can't take it anymore, and must do something to Todd's dick. We don't see what it is, but I can assume that he yanked on the cup, dying to see the flesh inside, causing Todd to scream in pain and then punch Jack, who rolls on the ground in ecstasy because a boy holding his dick just touched his arm. Oh, God! When it's good, it's good. Mmm. Jack can't believe how wonderful his fucking life can be sometimes. Not only did a boy holding his dick just touch him, but another boy was watching. Sometimes it's so good, it's unfair! Jack is giggling, hyperventilating, as he takes his large phallic symbol and hits Todd with it repeatedly. Then he asks Todd what it feels like. "Whoa," Jack says as he sees the dick mold off camera. "Dude, you just touched his cock," says Bad Hair. Jack giggles himself into orgasm. We watch Jack insert his large phallic symbol into the blurred dildo mold as the boys decide to "make the other one." This is Jack's favorite day ever!

The Osbournes

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