Backyard. Robert and Jack and some dude set up big fireworks. "Safety first," they say. Jack leads everyone out to a safe viewing area. Some random older dude says that they should stand by the pool so they can just dive in if they have to. Son Ozzy Hates is left holding a huge thing of balloons. Hee. Robert and Jack light the fireworks and run. They fly straight up into the air. Pretty cool. "Oh, God!" they yell. "Wow." "That's bad for the ozone layer," says Robert. Of course Kelly, reminding us why we hate her now and why this is a good episode for having little of her, tries to ruin everything by dissing the fireworks: "Professional, my fat ass. Those are shit." Ironically, that's exactly what the public said about her CD.
Ozzy sucks some helium, but the Boys With Avids fake him saying, "Rock and Roll." How fucking stupid. More firecrackers go off as Jack tries to burn a balloon. Ozzy crouches with a huge pile of balloons as Sharon tells him to make a wish. Ozzy releases the balloons into the air. Soft music plays as they echo Sharon saying, "C'mon, Daddy. Wish wish wish." That's very weird.
Day. Track. UCLA girls cheer Ozzy on as they only have one lap to go. And then they're done. Whee! "Five miles, Tony!" Ozzy says to the unseen Bitch Boy. Maybe Ozzy is hallucinating. "Fifty-four. Run for your life," says Ozzy. Body By Jake tells Ozzy that he's like fine wine -- he gets better with age. Ozzy says, "Run for your life they can't hit a moving target."
KITT. "This car fucking argues with you, man," says Ozzy. Ozzy yells at KITT, having a conversation with it. "Shut the fuck up! I've got the wife that nags me. Now I've got the fucking car that nags me."
Next time. Sharon and Ozzy are going to Hawaii. Sharon says it's going to be like Risky Business, the party that's going the happen the minute they leave. Jack lies that they're going to be "real good." CUT TO: Big party. Jack diving. Someone making out. Kelly tells Jack that he's treating the house like it's Club Jack. Jack, shirtless by the pool, pantses some guy. Oh m'God, that's gay. Kelly comes out, pissed, calling Jack a selfish asshole. Jack brags that he will "knock the bitch out." Ah, it was nice to have at least one episode without these two shitheads, wasn't it. They fight by the pool, Kelly, as usual, kicking his ass. Meanwhile, some Eliza Dushku-looking girl says, "Hey. Jack. I'll call you tomorrow." Hee. And that's it. See ya!